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07/19/2024 7:13 pm
I've come to think of "relaxation" as too vague a word. Because if I relax my mind, then I'm not paying full attention. And if I'm not paying attention, the tension I hold unconsciously will go un-checked and allowed. Every bad habit I have of trying to push for pleasure, every anxious piece of fearful self-sabotage, every unconscious badly-learned reflex, can all run rampant and continue to keep me where I am, repeating the same mistakes over and over again, because I'm trying to be completely hands-off, because I assume I should.
I'd invite you to consider that maybe "just letting it happen" is only good advice for people who are already successful, because this is all they need to do. Maybe all a professional golfer needs to do is "relax and let the game play itself", but this is coming from a position of perfected muscle-memory and thousands of hours of practice and training. So, good advice for other pro-golfers, but not so great for people who have problems with their swing. But that's perspective for you.
What I've been doing lately in opposition to this, is not relaxing my mind into some mushy fog of bland acceptance, but using my mind to constantly scan my body (particularly my pelvis) for held tension, and very intentionally releasing it. But the scanning and relaxing doesn't end once I've run out of tension to release. This mental program continues to monitor and scan for tension for the entire duration of the session. Ironically, this takes my mind off of pleasure-seeking, and any desperate yearning, which in itself seems like a useful distraction.
What I notice is that true involuntaries are most active, when I've taken care of this habitual physical tension. The muscles are all relaxed, and are free to spasm at will. The furtherance of involuntaries and even pleasure, isn't dependent on my total blank-mindedness, but rather a body acceptance which is best served by my constant monitoring for tension.
To crest over into total orgasm, might require a total mental surrender and to "become the orgasm", and I've experienced that, but it may be that we're adopting that mindset too soon, or adopting it as an absolute for all situations. I think it's possible some of us are stuck in a "bad habits" mode that needs to be actively worked on. And checking-out mentally might not be the remedy to that, because so much of this is reflexive and unintended, and can be corrected with a focused physical intention.
Lately, with doing this, I've began to relate more to what Nero describes in his classic post "Do Nothing Method" - The Sensation You Are Looking For... that "ache" sensation is very strange, and I never felt it, or thought I needed it in the years I was having success with THC, but starting again from scratch, it's seeming like the best way forward.
Anyway, just some food for thought... this place has been pretty dead lately.
07/20/2024 6:35 am
I'd invite you to consider that maybe "just letting it happen" is only good advice for people who are already successful, because this is all they need to do. Maybe all a professional golfer needs to do is "relax and let the game play itself", but this is coming from a position of perfected muscle-memory and thousands of hours of practice and training. So, good advice for other pro-golfers, but not so great for people who have problems with their swing. But that's perspective for you.
That's a good perspective ! At some point, everything pretty much works, and that's when we get the illusion that this is, after all, a very simple practice : Flex a bit and let go and get some Super-Os. Simple enough, yeah, and yet so complex...
It's also likely that there are different paths to the Super-O, for instance the road to rough seas is vastly different than the one that leads to calm seas. One should not interfere by doing rough seas stuff (active) when their session is heading towards calm seas, and trying to relax while building up for rough seas is similar to applying the brakes, too much of that can bring the whole thing to a complete stop.
Active relaxation might be a way to be closer to do-nothing while still doing something. Or it might be it's own distinct approach. In my experience, my mind needs to be engaged, focused in some way, and think nothing, do nothing does not bring me the results I'm looking for.
Ghusa and eagerbeaver reacted
07/20/2024 7:25 am
Anyway, just some food for thought... this place has been pretty dead lately.
As for this, Reddit and Discord Aneros communities are quite busy, as are other male multiples and Super-Os communities like Mindgasm... Some male multiples gurus on YouTube have quite large followings, too. People are migrating to places where there's some quicker action and multimedia sharing. 🤔
Edit : Its not like I'd want the Forum to be more like Discord, but other places seem like you can just hop on and ask a random question, while I guess it's a bit more intimating here, plus the younger crowd in general like the instant notifications and quicker pace of other formats AKA social media with lots of emojis, memes and stuff...
Ghusa and eagerbeaver reacted
Topic starter
07/20/2024 10:31 am
Active relaxation might be a way to be closer to do-nothing while still doing something. Or it might be it's own distinct approach.
I think of it as a modified do-nothing, which addresses a problem I have of held-tension creeping back in every time my back is turned. It's very subtle and easily slips under my radar. It might be the tail-end of some contraction, or a tension that felt nice at some point, but I didn't release it all the way. Or it's something I'm reflexively doing for some other reason (bad wiring, old habits, anxiety, etc.). So this is where a routine of scanning for tension over a longer period pays off.
The "scanning" does also lend itself to taking my mind off chasing pleasure and expectation, which in its own way is a do-nothing factor. Fantasy can make an appearance, and tension is allowed, but I return to the scan regularly. The goal is releasing tension, and experiencing the session in that state.
I'm actually surprised at how little fantasy or sexual thought I need for there to be good pleasure. (Though this is coming from my perspective as someone who already has a certain amount of wiring in place.) My mindset is that I'm just going to have a nice relaxing prostate massage, and hopefully this "ache" (as Neros put it) will show up at some point, and I can have some fun exploring it.
This definitely has been an exciting development for me, in the months after quitting weed, finding anything new or interesting has been extremely rare. I'm wondering now, if that's part of what THC was doing for me... I was getting so extremely stoned that coordinating simple movements was like trying to solve 10 trigonometry problems, I don't think my reflexive tension stood a chance under those conditions.
07/20/2024 11:56 am
@Clenchy, this is an excellent companion post to @Darwin's classic post relax, relax, RELAX, . Another aspect of the thought process which will lead to successful Anerosessions.
Good Vibes to You!
MarvelousWeasel101 reacted
07/30/2024 9:27 pm
What I've been doing lately in opposition to this, is not relaxing my mind into some mushy fog of bland acceptance, but using my mind to constantly scan my body (particularly my pelvis) for held tension, and very intentionally releasing it. But the scanning and relaxing doesn't end once I've run out of tension to release. This mental program continues to monitor and scan for tension for the entire duration of the session.
This sounds like how the mindfulness meditation starts, for me. In that meditation I have to actively let go all of the tension in all body parts, one by one thinking about every limb and body pary, to sink into calmness and relaxation.
The next step in this meditation is similiar to what we call do nothing method, by emptying the mind and concentrating the attention to the breathing, and breathing only, how it feels. I don't know about how it addresses when a bodypart tenses up meanwhile, but it would make sense from this meditation to notice it, and require me to divert the attention there, to release the tension again. Just like how you write about continuing to monitor for tension.
07/31/2024 6:41 am
What I've been doing lately in opposition to this, is not relaxing my mind into some mushy fog of bland acceptance, but using my mind to constantly scan my body (particularly my pelvis) for held tension, and very intentionally releasing it. But the scanning and relaxing doesn't end once I've run out of tension to release. This mental program continues to monitor and scan for tension for the entire duration of the session.
This sounds like how the mindfulness meditation starts, for me. In that meditation I have to actively let go all of the tension in all body parts, one by one thinking about every limb and body pary, to sink into calmness and relaxation.
The next step in this meditation is similiar to what we call do nothing method, by emptying the mind and concentrating the attention to the breathing, and breathing only, how it feels. I don't know about how it addresses when a bodypart tenses up meanwhile, but it would make sense from this meditation to notice it, and require me to divert the attention there, to release the tension again. Just like how you write about continuing to monitor for tension.
Yes in my mindfulness practice and "training" when I learned how to do it in class-type sessions, we were taught to look at ourselves sitting there, all alone, from the outside and be observers of ourselves, and this takes attention away from thoughts that creep in because you think about yourself alone, doing nothing but breathing. i have to jump out of body to do this, and I say "huh, what a silly thought right now of all times, go away thought, I'm here just breathing."
You can also press the tip of your tongue into the first little recess on the roof of your mouth as you move your tongue tip back away from your top teeth, right where the roof starts to move up there's about a 1/4" spot there, press tongue tip into that gently. It connects the top of your spine with your third eye and helps energy channel through your head to spark conscious awareness, deeper relaxation, and third eye energizing. This also makes your tongue stop the micro movements that occur against your will when you think about things, especially the internal chatter of the mind--anxiety and depression. Your tongue moves on its own, like when you talk. When you immobilize the tongue this way, the chattering can end. It really works!! I can't meditate or do mindfulness anymore unless I immobilize my tongue it helps tremendously.
MarvelousWeasel101 reacted
Topic starter
07/31/2024 7:35 pm
Well I have no experience of the mindfulness thing, but with other relaxation scenarios, the thinking seems to be relax physically first, then once that's out of the way, the mind can relax, and the physical relaxation doesn't really need to be looked at again, because it will naturally follow the lead of mental relaxation. That's what I get from it at least.
Which does work well for those scenarios, like an erotic hypnosis induction, I can stay relaxed after the physical part at the start... but I find the aneros much more challenging, at least if I'm to properly engage with the physical aspects of it.
I think up until this point, I've been working around my inability by avoiding tension entirely. And those have been my best (sober) sessions. But I've always felt like I was missing out on the physicality of things. There is a whole other side to this, where orgasms aren't anchored to any specific place, and it's like wrangling some kind of free-floating energy, which is weird and difficult and doesn't come with any of the exciting physical stuff (eg. auto-fuck, dry ejaculation spasms, feeling like I'm about to cum physically).
If I engage with the physical side, I struggle with unintended holds on tension, which screws the whole thing. I've had great sessions by not engaging physically at all, but it involves a mindset of following a narrow mental-fixation deeper and deeper. Which doesn't seem to work at all with the physical side of things, because I'm tuning-out so far, that I'm not present enough in my body.
Maybe it's a training issue, where I might eventually practice my way out of this reflexive and unconscious tension. But for now, I'm having better results by keeping tabs on physical tension for the whole session.
08/04/2024 2:26 pm
It's quite a good program, you can try the free lessons and it will give you a good idea of what it's all about. There's a lot of focus on isolating the different muscles, which can be very helpful for some guys.
08/06/2024 10:39 am
If I engage with the physical side, I struggle with unintended holds on tension, which screws the whole thing. I've had great sessions by not engaging physically at all, but it involves a mindset of following a narrow mental-fixation deeper and deeper. Which doesn't seem to work at all with the physical side of things, because I'm tuning-out so far, that I'm not present enough in my body.
These words help explain my situation to some extent. I find it difficult to disengage my mind to experience optimal quietude. This is very common and is also handy for analytics and the type of work I do where details matter.
Being familiar with relaxation and meditation helps but it's not something that one of my ilk can simply switch off. Hence the struggle. Which vacillates because progress has been slow over the last four years despite a certain dedication. This is what separates grinders like me from the more successful guys. I'm still here though and really hope for that day when I'll be surprised. Watching without being fixated so to speak.
This post was modified 5 months ago by Glandrake
Topic starter
08/06/2024 6:49 pm
I find it difficult to disengage my mind to experience optimal quietude.
From my own experience, once still-mindedness is rewarded with pleasure feedback, it gets a lot easier to maintain. I find descending into pleasure has its own way of drawing me into a wordless world of sensation. If a session isn't producing pleasure, I'll be away thinking about something else for an hour before I realize I'm completely screwing up the session and any chance for pleasure to begin with. (not much of a problem these days, but there have been many times)
Once I found that feedback loop, my problems with staying focused disappeared. It also became a behavior pattern, where I felt I was snapping straight into a certain mental mode, right after insertion. (my years of riding with weed messed up this hard-earned response, so in many ways I'm rebuilding from the rubble)
Being familiar with relaxation and meditation helps but it's not something that one of my ilk can simply switch off.
In some sense it can be considered a skill that improves with practice. I've tried to make erotic hypnosis work for me for some years, and while it still hasn't delivered everything I wanted from it, I have felt a definite sense of progression in my ability to blank-out. I guess it's a form of guided meditation, where your success can be measured in pleasure.
08/13/2024 10:10 am
Relaxing is totally key but once you’re relaxed, focus on the prostate and anal area become paramount. Along with controlled breathing and contractions involunaries will take over and progress into intense pleasure and eventually orgasms.
Ghusa reacted
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