A Question About Hemmaroids

Hi there as all of you may know i have a serious problem in my rectum affecting the area
around around the prostate, anyway yesterday i tried using one of my dildo's and i had a
bit of discomfort after using it, but last night i woke up and had a lot of pain in my rectum
around the prostate it feels like muscles is damage torn or either my problem is swollen
irriated or inflamed i have no used a prostate massager for two and a half months but
not using it doesnt seem to make any difference the problem is still there it doesnt seem
to be healing showing any signs of major improvement i even considered going to see
a private colorectal surgeon about my problem but i found out that in Australia it would
cost $1500 just to have a small camera on the end of tube to llok up there and see what
the problem is, i have been to a different doctor to the one i been seeing and when the
problem originaly first began it makes no difference whatsoever they cant help me i have
been to this different doctor two times already in the past week and the last time i went
i saw a female doctor and she said i would have to wait six and half months on the public
health system and i found out by phoning the Austin hospital because i lost my appointment
letter and the told me that my appointment with the Austin hospital colorectal surgeon
IS JUST A CONSULTATION so this means i will probably have to wait a matter of a couple
of more months after the consultation to get my rectum looked at and now i have made it worse
again and there is more pain than there has ever been before so i highly doubt at this stage
whether i will ever be using aneros ever again let alone anything else up there there seems
to be just to much damage whatever the problem is, i am sick of waiting for this appointment
sick of continually harming myself every few months again and again and again it is simply
to much for me to control and be able to handle this problem is to powerful for me and i cannot
control it i am simply %100 powerless over this problem i have no control and everyday for the past
two weeks i have spent every second of everyday thinking "when is it going to get better, when is it going to go away?" this problem has been driving me insane it does my head in and i am in so much emotional
pain trauma i cant handle this problem anymore, after what happened yesterday i have suicidal thoughts
i imagined driving a car down the highway and slamming it into a tree at high speed i want to be able to stop using any devices up there whatsoever but the evidence in my posts and my continually repeating cycle says it isnt possible i am just to addicted to using things up there, how embaressing it is to admit this fact, i hate myself for what i have done, this repeating cycle of relapsing is no different to someone who is a practicing alcoholic and keeps drinking there is no end to this and there is no easy solution
i cannot just simply make a decision to give up using aneros andmaybe some of the other stuff not sure about the other stuff.

I want to make clear first the dildo that i was using is kind of large and it quiet long but it is not
really really thick it did not stretch my anus really wide actually it didnt even stretch it at all
there is no blood bleeding associated with this problem which makes it really puzzling and hard
to figure out what this problem is it is just pain soreness swelling i think it was just the friction
of the dildo passing by rubbing the effected area that has made it worse sore.

I have been speaking to forum and aneros memeber chuck and his wife is a nurse and i have spoken
to him a real lot about this problem and he has tried very hard to help me with this problem
and he has told his wife that i have had pain running down my legs and in the calf muscles
and she thinks it could be internal hemmaroids and the doctor has also said it could be as well
this is why is really need to see the colorectal surgeon to see if it is isnt internal hemmaroids
and chucks wife said internal hemmaroids dont always bleed.

So what i was wondering is does putting pressure on hemmariods cause them to become
painful irritated swollen or sore? Would the rubbing effect of a dildo cause this pain?

Also does anybody know of any non bleeding anal rectum problems that could become very sore
swollen irritated or inflamed if touch or had pressure applied to them?

This problem of waiting to see the doctor and not knowing what the problem is, is driving me insane
and is killing me and the fact that the problem has made no significant progress over the past two months is driving me as equally as insane and i dont think i can handle this problem anymore i cant cope with it for another six months it is too much for me to handle and there is nothing i can do whatsoever except wait to be seen by a doctor and try not to use anything up there which was working quiet well until i decided to be a completed fucking fool moron again.

I wish i never had this problem in the first place and wish it would get resolves just go away i keep i sometimes keep asking myself why does this happen to me, because everything is always about me me me fucking me and the only reason i have this problem is because i have an addcitive alcoholic nature
which i hate and resent to death i resent and hate being and alcoholic and wish i was just like all of you
NORMAL not addicted to aneros so oh well anyway so much for using aneros ever again.

Thanks for all the help as usual you guys have been of great support through my problem and thank you

Cheers thecritta