Things work well for me on Sundays. Other days, not so much.
During sessions on post-work weekday evenings, after an initial jolt and a fast spazzy run-up to a pale, weak, anemic orgasm, I didn't get much going. Any waves that came around felt like two or three dissonant notes that warbled around but never quite synced into one pure tone. When I got that far, I either couldn't relax well, or I relaxed too well and fell asleep.
That's not entirely bad. A quick early evening nap is pretty satisfying in its own way.
I don't completely understand what my problem was on this Saturday, or previous Saturdays. Figure it should have been a good time for recreational activity, especially one like this that is, so to speak, open-ended. Perhaps because I see Saturday as my day to finish the previous five days of neglected tasks, that's carrying over into areas where it's not useful.
But Sunday was delightful. I get three sessions in, starting almost as soon as I awoke, and none of them was a real dud. Each session on its own feels good enough to make me come back for more. I can't yet achieve waves consistently, but even my inconsistently occurring and short-lived ones are astounding.
While examining sensations, I get a moment of tension at recognizing the wave's beginning. A moment when the notes will either resolve into harmony or degenerate back into noise. Very cuspy, with a taste of panic. I try to suppress the urge to interfere and simply observe, but my eagerness frequently fucks it all up. I haven't yet acquired the discipline to perform the controlled shutdown the situation requires.
On more menial matters of recordkeeping, I need to reexamine what I thought was an aversion to glycerin. I got a new lube–Sliquid Sassy gel–that contains no glycerin. I used it three times, and each time had the same effect as the glycerin-syrupy System JO, i.e. a nearly immediate need to expel.
I have gone back and tried the MGX a couple times. Ignoring the outside-body features that originally irritated me, I find its inside-body feel is very different from the helix syn. I wasn't really expecting that. The helix syn tends to cloak itself, not really asserting its presence, while the MGX never lets me forget it's there.
Gotta say, though, the MGX did some pretty good things to me. While the rigid p-tab had previously irritated me, it really added something to the experience this time. I never have found any sweet spot on my perineum, but the pressure from the p-tab provided unambiguous feedback on what was going on internally. Felt like a velvety hand was squeezing a handful of meat under my nuts. The floppy tab on the helix syn could never do that. I should investigate ways to cushion the MGX p-tab without changing its rigidity.
Anonymous
Thanks for writing. Wonderful blog. I can relate to lots of what you are experiencing, especially the short ones that go nowhere, and the 'anaemic' orgasm which I get occasionally and thought no-one else suffered from!
Anonymous
We are eager to trumpet our successes, and we are happy to congratulate the success of others. We might not be so eager to mention our failures, either for fear of being thought of as a sympathy-seeker or because our man-mind has been conditioned not to admit defeat.
Each of us has a journey that, by its nature, is intensely personal. There are some aspects that will never be understood by another human, and many more that will never be spoken to another.
Paradoxically, we have each had the same experience, and we share a secret knowledge of each other that doesn't need to be spoken.
Be sure that whatever feelings of discouragement you get are not uniquely yours. Somebody else has had them before. It might take some searching to find the notes that person has left. Even if they cannot be found, the chorus of voices here will, when asked, congratulate un-success and encourage more attempts.
Anonymous
"Be assured that…"
I wish these comments were editable. That error really changes the meaning of the last paragraph.