• Still so close

    I had several very intense sessions yesterday. Each one seems to be getting closer. Yesterday evening I had some very intense feelings start out of the blue whilst at the computer and they became unbearably good lasting for ages. I actually felt as if it was really going to happen again, I felt the waves just starting to spread but still it just didn't set in and eventually I had to stop.
    I'm wondering if having a break would be good, but my sexual tension is building, I' not allowing myself to masturbate, and each session gets better, so for now I am pushing on. There is still a very significant subconscious block working, maybe it is just expectation, or it could be something else. I know the answers will come to me if I am patient. If I am honest I am still very disappointed that's it's not happening, I have to let that go and enjoy the journey. Everything happens for a reason, maybe the moment I truly stop feeling disappointed and am grateful for what I have achieved then I will progress.
    I am practicing meditation and bandhas. Using the Uddiyana Bandha can amplify sensations quite significantly so I am using it a lot. I'm working towards being able to do Maha Bandha. I didn't realise how stressed I was. Meditation and being aware of stress and using concious relaxation is starting to work, changing the habits of 40 years takes time.

Skip to toolbar