I'm meditating regularly. Yesterday I was circulating energy into my sacrum and up my spine, I suddenly got an immense surge in my lower back during the day, I thought at last the real Kundalini is on its way, and was able to meditate immediately and I concentrated on the feeling. It became very powerful but nothing broke through. I really think that I have to be careful.
My theory is that my original experience was forced in that I pushed energy up through my chest and into my head and triggered a partial Kundalini. It went through the wrong channel rather than rising up my spine.
The lesson learnt from yesterday is that you can't force it, much like trying to force an orgasm. If I am not ready for it, I am not ready for it. I have decided that it will happen naturally if I work on meditation, relaxation and positivity. It might take years but it will come when it is ready.
I'm also having slight difficulty with dry O's again. I'm sure it's because I tried to force a Kundalini yesterday and I have put things out of balance again. I certainly haven't got anywhere near a super-O again yet. I feel like it's a prize waiting for me once I have balanced myself sufficiently and it will happen when I have truly given in and accepted myself and that I'm not in control.
I also wonder if my big psychological block, my relationship with my parents, has anything to do with this. It will be put to the test tomorrow when they visit. I want to see if anything has changed. Maybe it will maybe it won't, I will find out tomorrow.
This morning I had an amazing calm come over me, and I felt very at peace, and my breathing was easy. I noticed electric sensations coming up from my lower abdomen and into my arms and tried to enjoy it rather than be frightened of it. Someone pulling out right in front of me as I drove my daughter over to a friends house stopped it dead.
I thought everything had stopped happening. It's nice to feel that something is still happening, and my meditation is helping me; it's all rather subtle and slow and it could take years.
Constant interruptions from my wife and children is something I have to learn to stop getting irritated by. I want to be left in peace to feel calm but every 10 minutes I have something new to sort out for the children or something my wife has to discuss with me urgently. I would love to go on a retreat and actually be allowed to rest.