As the dimensions of my sexual response are intertwining and evolving I find myself thinking a lot about the nature of my sexual pleasure. So it was earlier this week on my drive home that I had plenty of time to ponder on the complexity of my experience of erotic bliss. The inspiration was an intimate liaison I had the night before.
As a guy I am biologically programmed to see erotic pleasure as an external thing. My psyche is hard wired to experience pleasure as a joined visual and physical event; in both visual and physical perspectives my sexual pleasure is experienced predominantly through my cock. The sight of J alluringly nude, or a guy with an erection illicits an immediate physical response; my cock hardens and lengthens and the welcomed erotically warm desperate itch of arousal caresses my cock and tugs on it. As arousal tugs on my cock it fills it with the tingling urge to cum; visual pleasure evokes physical pleasure. That physical pleasure is centered pretty much on my cock. When I fuck, or when my cock is being massaged or sucked my pleasure from orgasm is generally focused on ejaculation whether it is in the caress of warm wet pussy or a sucking mouth.
However in MMO, the table is turned. The external experiences of pleasure are secondary to the internal erotic pleasure deep in anal canal and around my anus and cock root. In this new erotic paradigm that I have adopted I assume a much more feminine role. In MMO and anal pleasure I experience orgasmic pleasure the mental dimension of the orgasm is deeper and my senses of touch and intimacy are engaged to a much higher level than they are when my visual arousal culminates in ejaculation. It is a shift from proactive, visual, cockhead centered pleasure to passive, mental internal pleasure. In essence the paradigm shifts from the male experience of sexual pleasure to a female experience.
This paradigm shift was profoundly unsettling when it first happened years ago; it took me a while to come to grips with it. It caused a schism in my sexual response. My male based sexual experience of sex seemed to be incompatible with my new female based experience of sex. Slowly however the differences are reconciling as the two components of my sex life are melding into one.
The erotic inspiration for the mental meandering on my drive home was a very unusually and intimate interaction with J the morning before; that intimate interaction with J drove home the power of my internal “feminine” experience of sexual pleasure as contrasted with my male perception of pleasure. That interaction was so sensually moving that it resonated with me for a day afterwards, it turned my psyche on its head and it inspired this entry.
The previous night J and I fell asleep in each other’s arms. I was profoundly moved by the intimacy and the sensuality of being together. It was one of those moments where my mentally connection to her was in synergy with the physical touch of her. I was exhausted from the long day I had; waking up at 4 AM to do a session was not in the cards that morning. I was working home that day so I was in no hurry to get up.
At 7 AM when I finally stirred I buried my nose in her hair, it smelled spicy and erotic. The view of the sky through our windows was a typical late winter view: overcast and gray; as depressing as it was it imparted a quiet lull to life on the street, the sleepy haze in my head was in harmony with the morning as it unfolded out the window. I was awake, sort of but relaxed and sleepy at the same time. The bed was warmed by her sexy- soft naked body.
I slid my arm underneath J and drew her to me, kissing her forehead as she snuggled against me. I was lying on my back. I am an inveterate cuddler. I love hugging. She felt so nice against me. I kept my head down on her forehead resting my lips on her skin, lingering in an extended kiss. She sighed and in moments was breathing deeply and slowly as she drifted back to sleep.
As I held her and savored the touch of her skin on my lips the touch of her soft – warm skin, the scent of her and the atmosphere of the room began to exert its erotic influence on me. As I lay quietly drifting in the lush sensuality of the moment the aching pleasure of desire began to sparkle around my anus and harden my cock. I became instantaneously engaged in the subtle sensation of sexual arousal and the tantalizing tingling that caused my anus to flutter and twitch gently. As I savored the sensation that was making my anus spasm quietly, I began to breathe deep and even breaths to fuel what I sensed was happening …… the unexpected launch of an unsolicited MMO. I relaxed and willed myself to let it happen as I continued to wallow in the warm feminine sexuality of this lovely lady in my arms.
I caressed J and put my cheek against her forehead as I sucked in the lusty air of my desire deep into my lungs. In moments the spasms of my anus grew from subtle to profound; in their expansion they invaded my anal tract. The rippling convulsions of pleasure were now squeezing my prostate. I relaxed and kept myself calm, letting the warm sensations of pleasure continue to fill me as I held her. I cleared my mind and focused on the warm loving sensual woman in my arms. I inhaled the scent of her hair mixing it with the intoxicating aroma of spring outside our room. My prostate began to pulse gently, each pulse sending a vibration of ecstasy to echo in my pelvis.
As we lay there in peaceful relaxation I drank in her feminine sensuality. As my prostate began to transition from gentle spasms to convulsive pumping the rapture of her sexuality penetrated me and made the lush aching tension of growing arousal fill my pelvis. I somehow ceased to exist as her warm loving sensuality seemed to be invading my body and taking it over. As I breathed in, the cool air blew on the fire of my desire and made my prostate redouble its pleasurable pumping. Waves of ecstasy were now rolling in a regular rhythm up my anal tract and caressing my cock root as they triggered contractions of rapture to detonate inside me.
By then she was wide awake. With her fingers running through the hairs on my chest she quietly asked me if I was ok. My ragged breathing had betrayed me; she knew that something was happening. Between gripping spasms I managed to gasp to her that I was having MMO’s. That revelation sparked an intrigued “oh mmmmmm nice” in response.
She decided to contribute to the moment moving her hand a few inches over on my chest to tweak, flick my nipples. After a few minutes of divine stimulation she brought her fingertips to my oozing cock slit and gathered several warm drops of pre cum on her fingertips. She then rested her precum coated digit on my sulcus under my cockhead and began to paint the rigid cleft slowly with my own passion; she massaged it with a sensually excruciating delicate touch and with taunting hesitation.
Each rotation around my cleft pushed me further and further into the lush and sensual abyss of unrelenting ecstasy as my anus convulsed in syncopated abandon . I lay there spellbound, entranced by a concerto of blissfully silent sensual music that washed back and forth in my pelvis, between my anus and my cock root as full blown hard MMOs rhythmically milked prostatic fluid and pre cum from my lurching cock.
The pumping pleasure can only be described as agonizing euphoria. In sine like waves the ecstasy grew and fell, peaking in crescendos of excruciating pleasure. I struggled to lie still as these unbidden ripples of sexual delerium consumed me. My anus was flexing rhythmically as my cock lurched in counter point.
After ten or fifteen minutes of this excruciatingly sweet torture she got up onto her hands and knees and settled herself between my legs. Parting my legs and raising them she told me to hold them up. Reaching for the bottle of lube in the nightstand she opened it as she delicately dribbled a little bit onto my anus and then dribbled an equivalent amount on her index finger.
My anus was still flexing gently as spasms of MMO rapture rippled in my anal canal. With the fingers of one hand she exposed my anus by pulling the skin around it taut. With the delicacy of a hummingbird sipping nectar from deep inside a flower she slipped her finger into my convulsing anus, sliding in effortlessly.
The sensation of penetration by her delicate finger was the most intensely erotic sensation I have ever experienced. My anus interrupted its cha cha of orgasmic spasms and resolutely gripped her finger, holding it locked in a convulsive spasm of orgasmic pleasure. As I held my knees up I passively surrendered my opening to her probing finger. The stroking penetration of her finger released waves of agonizing euphoria; the agonizing pleasure flooded into my anal canal in a torrent and sent ripples of white hot ecstasy through my body. Wave after wave of the most divine orgasmic sensation filled me and tugged on my cock as she stroked my pulsing prostate. Each delicate stroke of her finger caused my spasming gland to recoil in a convulsion of crushing orgasmic rapture.
As she fucked me with her finger she looked me in the eye and intoned the filthiest most loving sentiments. The verbal taunting and coaxing combined with the vulgarly erotic service to my spasming anus lowered the heavy weight of sexual rigor mortis on me. I could not move, all I could do was feel. I felt the silent high pitched penetration of her finger; it provoked sensations that defied description. The pleasure burned hot and numbed in its coldness, her finger felt ten times its size, and there was a ringing chiming echo to the sensation that vibrated its euphoria throughout my body. As she relentlessly fucked me with her finger the sensation of anal penetration and the resulting fireworks detonating inside my pelvis became so pleasurable it was almost unbearable. Yet she continued exhorting me to give her more and more. I shuddered and writhed as she drew more and more pleasurable sensation from me.
She wrapped her hands around my lurching semi erect cock. Gathering some of the precum on the pad of her thumb she gripped my shaft from underneath wrapping her hand fully around it; with erotic grace began to massage my frenular cleft with the tip of her thumb. Like a sculptress with a vision of elegant sensuality in her mind, she converted my semi erect cock to a stone hard work of sensual art in her hand.
As she stroked my prostate she drove me into such intense euphoria my body and brain seemed to be steaming and hissing like an old radiator as the sweat poured off my forehead. The simultaneous orgasmic spasms in my anal canal and the growing pleasure on my cock were testing my brain’s ability to experience pleasure.
Slowly I felt the pleasure in my rigid cock approaching the intensity of the pumping orgasms that had consumed my anus for the last 30 minutes. In my mind I saw the trajectory of the two sensations coming closer ….. and closer …. and closer, until they joined.
When they joined the agony was indescribable. I released my legs extending them flat on the bed. I arched my back as my legs trembled. Her finger was still deep inside of my asshole; I felt the first spasm of ejaculation in my anus as it contracted on her finger moments before I spewed. It released and then I felt another spasm that signaled my cum was on the move. Her finger was deep inside up anus stroking my aching prostate as I lay immobilized in desperate pleasure. As my anus spasmed on her finger I felt the rope of cum surging in the core of my cock. All at once I wanted her finger out of me but at the same time I craved it to be deeper.
She felt the imminent orgasm squeeze her finger too. As I groaned and thrust my pelvis up, she held fast to my cock shaft as she watched in anticipation.
I literally pissed a long white rope of cum in high into the air. That initial rope was followed by another and another. The release brought profound relief to my cock but at the same time the pulsing of my anal canal continued with a hunger. It craved continued pleasure.
In that one explosive orgasm, the complexity of my sexual response was revealed to me. I felt the distinctly euphoric female internal orgasm that willed another orgasm and another and then I experienced the explosive pumping male orgasm that expressed external satisfaction. In essence I brought both parts of my orgasmic response together at the same time to savor them and relish the different euphoric sensations that characterize each one.
It is two days later and the collision of the trajectories of my sexual response is still so powerful, the memory of it causes my anus to tingle and my cock to harden.