Over the last few years the dimensions of my sexual response have come together to intertwine and deliver excruciating pleasure. I have found myself thinking a lot about the nature of my sexual response in my new state. So it was earlier this week on my drive home from a meeting that my thoughts turned to the erotic. Day dreaming as I drove a prodigious erection resulted accompanied by the expected flow of precum that soaked my underpants. I had plenty of time to ponder on the complexity of my experience of erotic bliss. The inspiration was an intimate liaison J and I had a few nights earlier.
In the past I was biologically programmed to see erotic pleasure as an external thing focused on my cock, like most guys. My psyche was hard wired to experience pleasure as an external physical event, in both visual and physical perspectives my sexual pleasure was experienced through my arousal stiffened penis, outside of my body. The sight of J alluringly nude, sensually exposed, always elicits an immediate visceral response; my cock hardens and lengthens and the welcomed erotically warm desperate itch of arousal licks at my cock and tugs on it sending waves of erotic delight to my brain.
As the ache of arousal tugs on my cock it is gripped with the urge to ejaculate; visual pleasure evokes the desperation of arousal. That physical pleasure used to be centered exclusively on my cock and ejaculation. Pre MMO and now I still savor the sensation of fucking with its warm wet sucking caress of her pussy on my rigid cock. Regardless of MMO ability or not I also am turned on watching the regurgitation of hot semen from my pulsing cockhead.
As I became proficient in MMO, and developed anal orgasmic ability my orgasmic world got turned on its ear. My external experiences of pleasure delivered by my pulsing cock became secondary to the internal erotic pleasure derived from anal orgasm. In this new erotic paradigm that I have adopted I assume a much more feminine role. In MMO and anal pleasure I experience orgasmic pleasure internally and the link of my mind to my body is huge in my experience of orgasmic pleasure. My sense of touch and intimacy are also engaged to a much higher level than they were when my visual arousal culminated in a wet orgasm. There was a shift from proactive, external, cock centered pleasure to passive, mental internal pleasure. In essence a paradigm shift from the male experience of sexual pleasure to a female experience.
This paradigm shift was profoundly unsettling when it first happened; it took me a while to come to grips with anal ecstasy. It caused the schism in my sexual response. My male based sexual experience of sex seemed to be incompatible with my female based experience of sex. Slowly however the differences are reconciling as the two components of my sex life are melding into one.
The erotic inspiration for the mental meandering on my drive home was a very unusually and intimate interaction with J the morning before; that intimate interaction with J drove home the power of my internal “feminine” experience of sexual pleasure as contrasted with my male perception of pleasure. That interaction was so sensually moving that it resonated with me for a day afterwards, it turned my psyche on its head and it inspired this entry.
The previous night J and I fell asleep in each other’s arms. I was profoundly moved by the intimacy and the sensuality of being together feeling deep love. It was one of those moments where my mentally connection to her was in synergy with the physical touch of her. I was exhausted from the long day I had; waking up at 4 AM to do a session was not in the cards that morning. I was working home that day so I was in no hurry to get up.
At 7 AM when I finally stirred I smelled her hair on the pillow next to me; she smelled wonderful. The sky was overcast and gray; imparting a quiet lull to life outside our window, the sleepy haze in my head was in harmony with the morning as it unfolded out the window. The curtains were wafting gently as the fragrance of her shampoo filled the room. I was awake, sort of but relaxed and sleepy at the same time. The bed was warm and the room was the same 70 degrees that the outside was.
I slid my arm underneath J and drew her to me, kissing her forehead as she snuggled against me. I was lying on my back. I am an inveterate cuddler. I love hugging. She felt erotic soft and sensual against me. I kept my head down on her forehead resting my lips on her skin, lingering in an extended kiss. She sighed and in moments was breathing deeply and slowly as she drifted back to sleep.
As I held her and savored the touch of her skin on my lips the touch of her soft warm skin, the scent of her and the atmosphere of the room began to exert its erotic influence on me. As I lay quietly drifting in the lush sensuality of the moment the aching pleasure of desire began to lap my anus. I became instantaneously engaged in the subtle sensation of sexual arousal and the tantalizing tingling that caused my anus to flutter gently, an A less session was attempting to spontaneously start. As I savored the sensation that was making my anus spasm quietly, I began to breathe deep and even breaths to fuel what I sensed was happening …… the unexpected launch of an unsolicited MMO. I relaxed and willed myself to let it happen as I continued to wallow in the warm feminine sexuality of this lovely creature in my arms.
I caressed J and put my cheek against her forehead as I sucked in the lusty air of her deep into my lungs. In moments the spasms of my anus grew from subtle to profound; in their expansion they invaded my anal tract. The rippling convulsions of pleasure were now squeezing my prostate. I relaxed and kept myself calm, letting the warm sensations of pleasure continue to fill me as I held her. I cleared my mind and focused on the warm loving sensual woman in my arms. I inhaled the scent of her hair mixing it with the intoxicating aroma of spring outside our room. My prostate began to pulse gently, each pulse sending a vibration of ecstasy to echo in my pelvis.
As we lay there in peaceful relaxation I drank in her feminine sensuality. As my prostate began to transition from pulsing to convulsive pumping the rapture of her sexuality penetrated me and made the lush aching tension of growing arousal fill my pelvis. I somehow ceased to exist as her warm loving sensuality seemed to be invading my body and taking it over. As I breathed in, the cool air blew on the fire of my desire and made my prostate redouble its pleasurable pumping. Waves of ecstasy were now rolling in a regular rhythm up my anal tract and caressing my cock root as they triggered contractions of rapture to detonate inside me.
By then she was wide awake. With her fingers running through the hairs on my chest she quietly asked me if I was ok. My ragged breathing had betrayed me; she knew that something was happening. Between gripping spasms I managed to gasp to her that I was having MMO’s. That revelation sparked an intrigued “oh” in response.
She decided to contribute to the moment moving her hand a few inches over on my chest to tweak, flick my nipples. After a few minutes of divine stimulation she brought her fingertips to my oozing cock slit and gathered several warm drops of pre cum on her fingertips. She then brought her precum coated digit back up to my nipple and began to paint my nipple with my own passion; she massaged it with a sensually excruciating delicate touch and with taunting hesitation.
Each rotation around my nipple pushed me further and further into the lush and sensual abyss of unrelenting ecstasy. I lay there spellbound, entranced by a concerto of blissfully silent sensual music that washed back and forth in my pelvis, between my anus and my cock root.
The pumping pleasure can only be described as desperate bliss. In sine like waves the bliss grew and fell, peaking in crescendos of excruciating ecstasy. I struggled to lie still as these unbidden ripples of sexual euphoria consumed me. My anus was flexing rhythmically as my cock lurched in counter point.
After ten or fifteen minutes of this excruciatingly sweet torture she got up onto her hands and knees and settled herself between my legs. Parting my legs and raising them she told me to hold them up. Reaching for the bottle of lube in the nightstand she opened it as she delicately dribbled a little bit onto my anus and then dribbled an equivalent amount on her index finger.
My anus was still flexing gently as spasms of MMO rapture rippled in my anal canal. With the fingers of one hand she exposed my anus by pulling the skin around it taut. With the delicacy of a hummingbird she slipped her finger into my convulsing anus, sliding in effortlessly.
The sensation of penetration by her delicate finger was the most intensely erotic sensation I have ever experienced. My anus interrupted its cha cha of orgasmic spasms and resolutely gripped her finger, holding it locked in a convulsive spasm of orgasmic pleasure. As I held my knees up I passively surrendered my opening to her probing finger. The stroking penetration of her finger released waves of agonizing euphoria; the agonizing pleasure flooded into my anal canal in a torrent and sent ripples of white hot ecstasy through my body. Wave after wave of the most divine orgasmic sensation filled me and tugged on my cock as she stroked my pulsing prostate. Each delicate stroke of her finger caused my spasming gland to recoil in a convulsion of crushing orgasmic rapture.
As she fucked me with her finger she looked me in the eye and intoned the filthiest most loving sentiments. The verbal taunting and coaxing combined with the vulgarly erotic service to my spasming anus lowered the heavy weight of sexual rigor mortis on me. I could not move, all I could do was feel. I felt the silent high pitched penetration of her finger; it provoked sensations that defied description. The pleasure burned hot and numbed in its coldness, her finger felt ten times its size, and there was a ringing chiming echo to the sensation that vibrated its euphoria throughout my body. As she relentlessly fucked me with her finger the sensation of anal penetration and the resulting fireworks detonating inside my pelvis became so pleasurable it was almost unbearable. Yet she continued exhorting me to give her more and more. I shuddered and writhed as she drew more and more pleasurable sensation from me.
She wrapped her hands around my lurching semi erect cock. Gathering some of the precum on the pad of her thumb she gripped my shaft from underneath wrapping her hand fully around it; with erotic grace began to massage my frenular cleft with the tip of her thumb. Like a sculptress with a vision of elegant sensuality in her mind, she converted my semi erect cock to a stone hard work of sensual art in her hand.
As she stroked my prostate she drove me into such intense euphoria my body and brain seemed to be steaming and hissing as the sweat poured off my forehead. The simultaneous orgasmic spasms in my anal canal and the growing pleasure on my cock were testing my brain’s ability to experience pleasure.
Slowly I felt the pleasure in my rigid cock approaching the intensity of the pumping orgasms that had consumed my anus for the last 30 minutes. In my mind I saw the trajectory of the two sensations coming closer ….. and closer …. and closer, until they joined in an explosive spasm.
The exquisite agony of that spasm was indescribable. I released my legs extending them flat on the bed. I arched my back as my legs trembled. Her finger was still deep inside of my anus massaging the shuddering gland deep inside me, I felt the first ejaculation spasm in my anus contract on her finger moments before I spewed. It released and then I felt another spasm that signaled that hot semen was on the move. Her finger deep inside up anus lay still as I spasmed on it gripping it hard as orgasm twisted my anus. All at once I wanted her finger out of me but at the same time I craved it to be deeper.
She felt the imminent orgasm squeeze her finger too. As I groaned and thrust my pelvis up, she held fast to my cock shaft with her fiunger deep inside me as she watched in anticipation.
The contraction that arrived in a blinding shriek of ecstasy forced me to piss a stream of cum in a long white rope high into the air. That initial rope was followed by another and another. The release brought profound relief to my cock but at the same time the pulsing of my anal canal continued with a hunger. It craved continued pleasure.
In that one explosive orgasm, the complexity of my sexual response was revealed to me. I felt the distinctly euphoric female internal orgasm that savored the ecstasy I felt and willed the sensation of more and then I experienced the explosively relieving pumping male orgasm that expressed external satisfaction. In essence I brought both parts of my orgasmic response together at the same time to savor them and relish the different euphoric sensations that characterize each one.
It is two days later and the collision of the trajectories of my sexual response is still so powerful, the memory of it causes my anus to tingle and my cock to harden.