I have had some amazing success with higher levels of orgasm this week and sort of forgotten about my meditation. I am quite exhausted form work and staying up late trying to orgasm, and I keep waking up early in fact I have been doing that since my adventure began. I wake with butterflies of excitement in my stomach and I can't seem to stop this happening. Maybe my excitement is a bit out of control and actually bringing it under control would do me some good. It's an energy that I can't control which can't be good.
Intuitively I know I have to get back to meditation and resist the urge to just try for another orgasm. In reality I don't feel like orgasming anyway right now and deep down I know that.
On trying to meditate I could feel the butterflies again, so tried to meditate on that and just let it flow which sort of dissipated it. Just accepting it and observing it seemed to work, rather than fighting it or trying to understand it.
Then I had a realisation that my mind was not still. I always have thoughts going through my head even when I think I am quiet and relaxed. I'm writing a journal and thinking about how I am going to describe what is happening, it's almost an addiction. I stopped those thoughts and at last my mind went quiet and I hung onto that. For the first time ever I had a quiet mind with no thoughts, I ignored any that came up. Probably for 10 minutes I held onto a quiet mind with just a few interruptions. It was quite a new sensation and I think this is what I am missing from my meditation.
I stil lhave difficulty controlling my breathing and forgetting about it. With a quite mind I did forget about it for a few second here and there which is a big step.
I'm going to get back to meditation now and do it every day.