• Kundalini stuff

    I think I am feeling more changes that are part of my awakening. I'm confused and feeling very low. I have had a few ups and downs but in general felt that I was getting somewhere. Yesterday I started to feel very low indeed and feel as if I have lost something. I can't really put it into words.
    Last night I meditated and got the feeling of loneliness, more of a thought really and not a true feeling. I can't make sense of things. Every time I have thought I knew what was happening to me it has turned out completely different. I feel as if I am being selfish feeling like this, it's all about me, and there are people with far worse problems out there. In fact I really don't like myself right now. I have become a pointless waste of space with no emotion just feeling sorry for myself. I don't have any love to give it's switched off.
    I had an orgasm last night, the physical sensations were the same as a super-O, convulsions shot through my whole body but I felt absolutely no pleasure at all, absolutely nothing. I was dead from the waist down.
    My wife has lost all interest. She couldn't ignore it when I was in my manic phase, it's different now. She won't even look me in the eye. I listen to her going on about school, the children's homework, her stress, her aches and pains. She's not interested in anything I say. I could really do with some support now but I'm not getting any.
    — Then I actually felt my emotions. I googled for advice on how to release emotions and the first page I came across had advice on how to let it go. I read about how just crying lets it all out and immediately I just felt all my emotion well up inside me and I convulsed with floods of tears. I started saying 'please, please!' as if someone was going to hurt me and and immediately felt in fear, and I felt my fear rising up and coming out of me as my abdomen convulsed with emotion. It was sad to start with and then I started laughing as I cried because it felt so good and I ended on a complete high.
    At last I had felt the underlying emotion of fear. Maybe to do with my bullying, but I didn't need to analyse it I was just pleased to have felt it at last. All my negative thoughts vanished and the knots in my stomach went. I could suddenly feel my emotions.

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