I'm new to the Aneros experience. I don't remember how I learned about it, but somehow I did, and I've been lurking for the past few weeks, voraciously reading the posts of others. This is exciting! I'm really looking forward to diving in. I'm very grateful to the other men who have generously shared their experiences; I've already learned a lot about my own body and my sexuality/sensuality.
To repay this generosity, I thought I'd start an anonymous blog so that other curious beginners can have another data point to consider.
This first post is just an introduction so you can better understand who I am and where I'm coming from.
I'm in my mid-50's and have been in a committed relationship with my wife for 20+ years. We have 2 teenage children. I had a vasectomy about 15 years ago. I'm 5' 6" and HWP.
I had a pretty sexually repressed childhood, but feel that my mind is liberating itself as I get older; less defensive and more receptive.
I can still get erections, but they aren't as hard or long-lasting as back in the day. I want to see if Aneros can help with this.
I occasionally get hemorrhoids; too much kayaking in cold water. Again, what can the Aneros do about this? I'm considering getting a Peridise, but the reviews for Tempo sound more fun.
A few months ago, I started shaving my perineum to avoid having to pull dingleberries from my ass pubes. Gross, yeah, I know. This greatly increased my sensitivity, so I figured, why stop there? I now shave everything except a little triangle above my dick. Why didn't I start doing this years ago?!!! A misguided sense of "manliness"? Whatever. It's so much more comfortable shaved. What does this have to do with Aneros? Well, my perineum is smooth and sensitive.
There is Zero privacy in our home, except for on the toilet, and even then there's a good chance of being interrupted. So, I don't expect to be able to use my Aneros more than once a month or so, when I can usually get away for business, and privacy. I definitely won't have to worry about overuse.
Based on my reading in the Forums, I've ordered )via Amazon(
– a Helix Syn
– unrefined, organic shea butter
– some I.D. Glide
– a bulb enema
On to some common questions –
– "Anal play is taboo?" – Yes, in our culture, but not in my head. I've been enjoying solo perineal massage, anal massage and anal penetration )finger-fucking( for years, but have never really taken it too seriously. It is just something I do occasionally because it feels good, and not even in a "sexual" way. Bottom line – I don't need to overcome any personal hang-ups. I look forward to learning more about both prostate massage and anal stimulation.
– "Anal play means that you are gay?" – It's ridiculous to have that belief, absolutely absurd. I identify as straight, but believe that everyone is actually bi; people have different biological leanings, and culture helps shape and solidify the expression of those leanings.
Actually, I find this whole line of inquiry )fear that anal play might mean you're gay( to be offensive. Do I fear exposure to Ebola? Being eaten by a shark? Yes, I'm afraid of those things because they are bad outcomes for me. But why is learning that you're bi something to be afraid of? I would think that people would welcome such insight into themselves. That's called a liberating revelation. Instead, people treat it as a condemnation. Why? Because they still see being gay as bad or wrong. Thus, I find this whole "assurance" to "don't be afraid" to be implicitly homophobic. Anyway, I'm ranting.
I've never had any sexual contact with a man. I'm not bi-curious and feel no desire to experiment or explore. Really, I don't. I've never felt any romantic or sexual attraction toward any man I've actually known in person. Masculinity is a sexual turn-off. In contrast, I feel a visceral, down-to-the-marrow attraction toward femininity.
As I've been researching the Aneros to learn what to expect, I find that I've been watching a lot of gay porn lately, although previously I've had no interest. Most gay porn is an uninspiring buzz-kill. I'll say it again: "most". If you filter through enough gay porn, as I have in the past few weeks, you'll find some very sensuous, very effeminate men; Wow! Totally erotic. I honestly did not think this was possible for me to feel this way. If I wasn't married, I would happily welcome some very specific men into my bed. So, yes, you could say I'm bi and I wouldn't deny it; but it really depends on the person )isn't that the same thing I'd say about hetero sex?(. Am I straight? Am I bi? Who cares? I don't lose any sleep over it.
Transgendered MTF women blow my doors off; very feminine, very attractive )I consider them to be women(. In contrast, transgendered FTM )masculine but with a vagina( are not attractive at all. I'm simply not interested in what someone has or does not have between their legs. I'm attracted to what is in their heart and in their head. Femininity makes me melt, regardless of who is expressing it.
– "Are you going to tell your wife/GF?" – I already have. I told her before any purchases after I first started becoming interested. "I'm interested in trying this thing that's part meditation, part body-awareness, part sexual enhancement" How could she object? Secrecy on a subject like this is not a good thing in a relationship. She was very supportive, but doesn't seem to want to get involved.
– "Are you going to tell your friends?" – We'll see how things go, but I'm open to it.
– "If you could suck your own cock . . .?" – What do you mean "if"? Seriously, though, YES, of course I would suck my own cock! And swallow? Of course! After gargling! The responses to this question in the main discussion only support my belief that we're all bi. We're open to homosexual behavior, and it's really just the desired emotional relationship with our partner that determines whether we identify as straight or gay psychologically.
– "Is the anus 'designed' for intercourse?" – No, it's not, and again I think this whole line of inquiry is misguided. Just hear me out.
I'm an atheist. There is no "design". Evolution doesn't have a "purpose". My finger is the perfect tool for tickling a woman's clit, but that doesn't mean that my finger is meant for that purpose. When I'm licking a woman's labia, my nose is perfectly situated to rub against her clit, but that doesn't mean that my nose is meant for that purpose. A soft, warm, moist mouth is a perfectly wonderful place to put your penis, but that doesn't mean . . .
Here's the thing. For millennia, patriarchal dogma has set the rules. It said that penis/vagina intercourse is the only "real" sex, and everything is a perversion to be avoided. While you can say that the penis and vagina have co-evolved to ensure procreation, I think that the dogma has gotten everything else all wrong. In fact, this dogma has perpetuated a lie about who we are. It's put us into this box that we are just now trying to escape from. The truth is that we are sensual/sexual animals. Not just our genitals, but all of us. Our lips, our hips, our nipples, our tongues, our hands, our feet, our legs, our butts, our nuts, our anuses, our prostates, our g-spots, our p-spots, our sweet spots…all of us, including even sometimes our genitals. The human body is a volcano of sexual energy, and it's all "real" sex. Ejaculatory/non-ejaculatory, orgasmic/non-orgasmic, genital/non-genital . . . it's all real and meaningful.
I mean no offense here, guys, and I hope you can understand that I'm saying this with love, but when I hear someone claim that the anus is "meant" for intercourse, I sense that what they're really trying to do is get some kind of cosmic blessing. They're looking to the dogma for approval: it was "meant" for this purpose, therefore my experience is legitimate. But, you know what? Fuck it. You're better than the dogma. The dogma is not your friend. The dogma wants to control you. You want to legitimize your sexuality? Try this – You feel a profound sense of intimacy and physical pleasure when you share your body with your lover. Period. That's all the legitimacy you need. No dogma required. You are having real sex. Our entire bodies were meant to feel sexual pleasure; narrowing it down to a few "designed" behaviors diminishes us as human beings. So stop playing the dogma's game. Stop asking the cultural dogma for permission. Stop giving it power over your life. Just please stop.
Next post – First session