Well, yesterday I made some real progress. I have learnt that I need to relax more and stop chasing an orgasm. I managed to get to some heights of pleasure using this mindset.
In the morning I relaxed so much I fell asleep and was woken immediately with a big headrush of excitement much like the Kundalini rushes I got when I was having my Kundalini Syndrome, and I felt high all day, that was a really encouraging development, and very welcome.
The family went out for an hour so I had another session and was getting very close to orgasm when they returned but had to call it a day. Encouraged I had a further session in the afternoon when they were watching a film and built up to some amazing feelings, just started to feel a wonderful orgasm come on when my daughter came bursting into the bedroom )I was fully clothed( to see the cat who had decided to sit on top of me. Of course that aborted any orgasm I might have enjoyed.
I was quite devastated and felt massive disappointment after getting somewhere at last after hours of hard mental effort and self control. It started me back in a downward spiral. A further try on going to bed was a complete disappointment hardly surprising given how I was feeling.
I'm back into negative thoughts now and the feeling that I can't win, something will always get in the way and stop me getting any enjoyment. It feels like the story of my life other people's needs always come before mine. I'm really quite angry, not with my daughter she didn't know what she did. I'm angry with myself for letting it get to me like this and I'm angry with the whole world for taking away my life. I feel like I did when I was being bullied at school – not allowed to be happy, others always come first.
I hate this. It was all going well again at last and then it's come crashing down. I was developing a positive mental attitude and I have to find a way of getting back there.