Telling the wife - wrong thing to do?

I'm constantly noticing that we, as human beings (but more women, specifically), are becoming more and more individualist, introverted and somewhat, egotistical, too. Whether we're single or married/engaged.We have got this thought about constantly finding what is best for >US only, without waiting for anything or anyone, by taking the very first thing that comes to our way, instantly, without considering other "better" options we might get, and without paying too much attention, to suggestions we might get from our families, partners or friends. And this behaviour is much more pronounced in today's women/girls, then women who today are 92yo (like my grandmother), who suffered a lot of poverty, war and the fear of not seeing their husbands coming back from the war, and that they knew what they could only have, from their life, and how they could make it through, all alone, by themselves, in rough times (like my grandmother did, by raising 8 kids, when my grandfather was been held in jail, in Africa, by the Francais, in WWII), and which made them unique, in their own ways.

Today's women are very lazy, don't have the courage to live by themselves, all alone. They're afraid of never getting married. They just want to find a man who can give them a family, an economical security, and a house to stay. Hence, why some women have pretty low standards, sometimes, too.
Yes, sex is certainly important for them, too, as it certainly is for us, men, too (even more so than women, as we have the nature of the "hunter", in our genes, that certainly cannot be erased altogether in a day).
But, once they get past the intitial excitement of being married, which can last for a few months, or even years, they start to get annoyed by the routine, and start to seek alternative "spicey" adventures, like swinging clubs, gloryholes, cuckoldry and gangbangs. And us, men, if we still want to be married to these women, have to just be quiet and make them content, by supporting their decisions. But, when it comes to satisfy our own fetishes (say, foot fetish, watersports or sex in latex, as I do like), they are very hesitant. Even though when we're not cheating on them or anything (like supporting and encouraging us, in our own Aneros sessions).
And that's what make me think that most today's women are just plain very "rude" egotistical beings, without a sense of comprehension or even compassion for their partners. Which makes me think: why they hell should I be bothered getting married, if all of this is what I will only get?
If there still are women who know what sacrifices are, who are very comprehensive and devoted to their partners, without thinking ONLY for themselves, please give me a call....LOL 😉
Until then, I will be enjoying my 26, and perhaps even my very first 40, by enhancing my masturbation and take it to another level, and experimenting, as I always did, since when I was 18, with my body, all alone. Without giving false expectations and without hurting anyone's feelings.

Interesting post. I feel what is really happening is that females in free societies no longer wish to be enslaved by men. Females or shall I say human liberation will take years and will wobble between excesses. On day I hope females will not be seen as flawed males and thus sub-human. Now across the world we are seeing a swing in both directions.

There are two kinds of people; human beings and women. And when women start acting like human beings, they are accused of trying to be men.

- Simone de Beauvoir

I am afraid that I have to add my comments here but I find men's behaviour sometimes indescribably cruel towards women and their own children - this is in my professional experience more than anything, but some personal experience. Whilst they moan and complain about how they are tied down in a relationship and how sorry they feel for themselves, who is it who is left to pick up the pieces when they walk out of the relationship to 'find themselves' and enjoy their new found freedom with a new woman who understands them better? And more often then not they are back a year later wanting more antidepressants because it hasn't worked out. I feel very sorry for their children who are the real victims, and it's always the woman left behind with the responsibility.There are two sides to the story here.

I believe men are very confused because they have not yet found a new role having lost the position as head of the family, and of society, and main breadwinner. When they could get away with behaving like spoilt children, they did, but things have changed and women now have a voice. I agree that there are some very selfish women out there maybe the younger ones who expect everything to be given to them on a plate, but it's the exception; there are just as many selfish men around. People view relationships like the latest gadget, there for your own pleasure only, fun to start with and ok to throw away once you get bored: fine if there are no children involved. I firmly believe that relationships have to be worked on and it's painful sometimes but ultimately worth it.

It's easy to blame someone else for your problems, but it's not the way to resolve them.

On the surface feminism makes sense, why shouldn't everyone be for equality?
But take retrospective rape, i.e. women wakes up after drinking to discover she's had sex with someone(not quite eligible) and cries rape.
If there was true equality between the sexes then in the case of a man and a woman both getting drunk and having sex there would be no rape. The way things stand however the drunk man would be accused of rape(never too drunk to commit a crime) since the drunk woman was too drunk to give her consent.

And the feminists who are supposedly for equality and empowering women support this unequal treatment of the sexes.

You would think that feminists would support the idea that a woman when drunk could act like a man, she no longer has to select who she sleeps with based on the prospects of the man, i.e. the woman as a whore, but has sex purely for sensual reasons coz she enjoys the feeling.

Anyway, despite societal changes, fixed gender roles are harder to change when it comes to sex and it makes one wonder if all this political correctness is doing any good. Why the popularity of 50 shades of grey? the popularity amongst women for things like bdsm? Is it a response to modernity? that a woman actually wants to be dominated and humiliated like good ol' times? That what they say they want, the modern emasculated man who treats her as an equal partner isn't what she wants deep down on the instinctual level.

Now it's the fashionable thing to be an atheist and point to how religion has oppressed women, but religion has been around for millennia and even older societies like in the East that aren't particularly religious are paternalistic societies where women have the submissive role, the West is supposedly more civilised but what are the consequences, children growing up in without a father etc, or two parent families where both parents work(making housing unaffordable for the single income families)and the woman often still does the traditional tasks(another 'victory' for feminism).

Are women really much happier in this advanced society?
And I know it's logical that previously oppressed minorities feel threatened and thus organize themselves and so have a disproportionately large voice in a democracy but like the pink influence in fashion has led to very unsexy unfeminine models, what about the large lesbian influence in feminism that's not about equality but purely anti male agenda?

See at least religion provided everyone with a mate, ok, it was bad for the minority(the homosexuals,lesbians)but for the majority a stable family life. Of course there were bad apples, but that's the case even in today's society where many women just can't help loving their abusive husbands

Anyway as things stand it's a good thing that the Aneros exists and I'm actually an ultra individualist, we can't go back to the traditional society and will have to remedy this with porn and other technologies.
I think the main problem now is that men are free, women are free, but children are still property.
If children could be reared by loving parents then raised and educated by AI robots the whole hippocracy of parenthood would be overcome and women could finally act like sluts instead of whores.
And I think to myself what a wonderful world....

@Ehm with all due respect was the old order really as good as you make out? I agree that women seem to say they want a man to dominate them, and maybe they do. That is not mutually exclusive to having a normal loving relationship.
If you look back at recent history men used to be complete animals when they were allowed to be and could get away with it. Being beaten by your husband was until recently normal and expected. Child sexual abuse was until recently very common and acceptable in certain circles and cultures. Religion has always been used as a cover, just look at the Catholic Church in Ireland. Can you say that this is a good thing we should return to because it somehow restores the old order?

Plenty of things like torture, hangings, death sentences, locking up the mentally ill to name but a few used to be acceptable and have been going on for thousands of years I don't want to go back to that for the same reason.

We have to accept that things have changed, and for the better.

@smudgefish I think it's just that the media has an anti religious agenda, pedophiles have always existed but the media tries to make out that somehow religion is to blame, but guess what? Any place with adults and children there's a potential for pedophilia, be it a sport club, school or whatever, should we dismiss all the positive sides of something just because of pedophilia or do this just when it comes down to religion?

I actually think a large part of the increase in mental illness, decline in music and culture is due to this loss of religion and the millennia old societal values that came with it.
And like you say about men acting liking animals when they can get away with it, that's how it works for some people, male or female when the inequality of the law is on their side. Do you really think that some women wouldn't exploit inequality to their advantage?
As a man why would I think this situation is any better than the past?

In fact it was probably the dependency situation that made women act in a such a pleasant manner. Looking at old movies, women sounded and acted much more feminine and that's what I like and the Catholic church for all its faults did produce the greatest music ever made and Catholic girls indoctrinated with the sinfulness of sex were the sluttiest in the world when set free. My theory on this is it's because women are raised and tend to act good and that's why they tend to go sexually for the bad boys, so they can at least sexually break free from this role, what can be badder than something as sinful as sex, this way every warm blooded male is a bad boy and thus a huge turn on for the Catholic girls.
Then of course all these Catholic composers, Schubert, Mozart, Haydn, Vivaldi, Pergolesi, Palestrina...

So I don't know, is co education a good thing? Shouldn't we just accept that there are differences between the sexes, there are differences in how they should be taught. To me it's not surprising that the type of education we have is better suited for the females, women are and have always been the followers, less and less males are receiving higher education and nobody seems to think this is a bad thing and yet forget that 99,99% of all human achievement has come from males, that men have always taken views that were completely non conformist and radically new. Women have always been good, the followers, I think it's evolved as a biological necessity to be a lot more sociable and hence have much less radical innovative ideas as to conform better. Men have never been afraid of conflict.That's where the innovative ideas come from. The feminists of course will say women are getting ahead because they always were smarter and now they aren't repressed it shows.
It will be interesting to see where the next Einstein, Newton, Mozart is going to come from but if thru some miracle it happens at all he won't come from the educational system that isn't designed to teach you how to think but what to think. So women are getting an education....great! But this is an improvement for the better if men are getting a worse education because of it?

And like with the rape example I mentioned above, there may be a biological reason that women have to be treated unequally, but then how can you treat her equally in other areas? There's only balance when both have their gender specific advantages, otherwise neither should have.

Anyway you say how things stand today is an improvement I'm not so sure, actually I couldn't go back to it now even if I wanted to as I've more or less accepted my situation and the pros and cons that come with it I'm now the ultra individualist so that's very much at odds with community, wife and children and church. However, it would have saved me years of depression by fitting in and belonging to a community and having slutty girlfriends and a wife and children. Now what have I got?
Possibly things will still turn out for the best but it's certainly not thanks to this society if they do

@Ehm, I'm one of the gay fashion designers and hairdressers who seem to have caused you so much difficulty. On behalf of all of our kind, I apologize. (Actually I'm a 68 yo retired medical professional who is in the middle of a divorce from a 30 year relationship)

I don't mean to make light of your problems. Just making the point that those are real people you are talking about, not caricatures.

you sound angry and resentful. You're looking for someone to blame for your problems. Perhaps you should look inside. I know that's painful. If it's any comfort, I have to do that myself.

@euphemistic I find open homosexuality offensive(flaunting their penis etc) but why are you saying I'm blaming homosexuals for what happened in my past? I've got no axe to grind with homosexuals, I do have a problem with them having a disproportionate large voice, but that's just how previously repressed minorities operate, they organize. I do see top level homosexual fashion designers having a problem with women; Rivals/prevalence of anorexia in the fashion industry./ the unsexiness of the models....is that so farfetched?
Lesbian feminists having problems with men? Just look at the anti male agenda and again this isn't so farfetched.

If I should have problems with anyone it should be with women, but like the pedophile you can't help what you're attracted to. And women too are programmed to love their wife beating husbands or even the husband that prefers men, but when someone like myself is attracted they call the police.
Blaming women for my problems is like a pedophile blaming children for their life sentence.

I've often heard it said that when you try to catch fish you think like the fish, catch it with worms, likewise if you want a woman....
And then people wonder why pornography is so popular or why the social fabric unravels when women are no longer dependent on the man.

So no I don't have problems I'm actually quite lucky that women have spared me the artificiality of a relationship and the hippocracy of parenthood. It has brought social isolation, but the outsiders view is the more objective view to have.
And it is actually stereotypical for the gay man to act like the victim and pretend the heterosexual is some kind of bigot coz the openly gay showing off their jock straps etc doesn't just make uncomfortable but is nauseating. Why push this gay pride thing? Surely you know this is revolting to most men?
|What makes gay men want to provoke like this?Shouldn't you think yourself lucky homosexuality isn't treated like the other aberrant sexualities?Yeah yeah consent blabla, still from my perspective even pedophilia is less revolting to envisage than say some of the stuff talked about here on the Aneros forum or the stuff seen in the media.

Anyway I think homosexuals should realise that it is in fact disrespectful and shows a complete disregard for heterosexual sensibilities who as a rule don't like seeing men showing off their penises or prancing around dressed like women.Nothing against homosexuals, it's just disgusting to see.
And obviously not all homosexuals think or act this way some probably find this behaviour as revolting as I do

I'm very late to the party (pardon me), however I will say this. Your problem was not the aneros. Your problem goes way further. I hate to say it but what goes on in the bedroom (or lack thereof) directly shows you were your relationship is lots of times. I applaud you for what you wanted to do, thanks for that real men are honest. However know this, she may accept that you are bisexual, but for a woman we cant compete with a man. Due to the way you presented it (presentation is everything in these situations) yes she did feel probably inadequate. Lets be honest a woman can peg you until the cows come home she doesn't have a real penis that ejaculates....she may be thinking wow I married a bisexual man and he is missing men now great what am I to do? I don't want to share him. Idk what kind of relationship you have but if it is a monogamous one this is more than likely what goes through her head. All may not be lost though. Women are more resilient than men in lots of ways....hope your wife is the same as me and maybe the conversation can be had again. If you present aneros as an addition to your sex life (not a replacement for her) then you will have a lot less problems. However....fix the sex once very 6 months issue first...which probably means fixing damn near EVERYTHING outside the bedroom. Women aren't sexually attracted to nor do they feel sexual desire to another that they have other issues in the relationship with. We don't work like men unfortunately, stress or other things bogging our minds down....carries over to a lack of being able to be turned on or its difficult at the very least.

I am late to the dance as well.

My wife has been all in from day 1. It has taken our sex life and level of trust to astounding new horizons. I have parts of my body that I never knew were subject to arousal and pleasure. She enjoys seeing me in a euphoric state ! I only wish I discovered this in my 20's.

I think you did the right thing telling her.Maybe she will come around. Good luck to you !

I'm sorry but once every 6 months sex? I don't know your age but I don't think I'd stay married to someone who only had sex every six months. Even once a month is not enough.. Once a week? I dunno.... To me a happy marriage is sex at least 3 times a week.

I mean if I was using aneros, and she complained my reply would probably be something like "Why do you care? It's not like you make any effort"

Wow, my original post seems like a long time ago now! Thanks for your observations @devajones and you are correct. Been through a lot of emotional turmoil and relationship issues and discussions since then, frequented Reddit deadbedrooms where the advice has generally been 'divorce her' or variations on that theme, not very helpful, so don't go there any more. Had some amazing sex, and some frustrating dead periods since then.Not sure if I mentioned that my wife knew very well that I was bisexual when we met? I'm very much determined not to give up and see it as a learning process, and I have learnt so much since then mostly about myself. It's never going to be a perfect relationship, and I don't think we will ever get back to daily sex like it used to be, we are both complex people (who isn't?) but I don't give in easily.
Anyway it's not actually a major issue in my life at the moment, I accept nobody is perfect especially myself, but I'm happy, so life goes on.

I agree the just divorce theory is both harsh and rash unless this has been a very long battle didn't seem that way to me. I figured she knew you were bisexual. I guess my point is this never forget that sometimes we women don't think fully about what we're getting into before we get into it. Sometimes love takes over then later it's like what have I gotten myself into? I've been with more than one bisexual and even gay men. Hey I'm very into anal and in my early days it was hard to find straight men into anal play at least those open about it so I took what was next available (gay and bi guys who already were well versed in that area). I also thought I could handle certain things and over time that changed. Not saying your wife will change I hope she doesn't she's stronger than me and a great inspiration. However knowing how rapidly the female emotions sway and how overwhelming they can be at times bare with her it's nature doing its thing. I wish you all the best in your relationship and aneros journey. To me nothing bonds a couple more.