OT: Foreplay

Welcome ScottD to your aneros journey and this generally hospitable and warm community!! 😀 😀

newtoforum,

I'm imagining a scene in my head:

Woman: Mmm, that's so good. Wait..what? Why did you stop?
Man: Oh, sorry. Your five minutes are up. Now you have to do me. The timer is running...now.

I'm just going to come right out and say it. I've read a few of your posts up until now and you are totally off in your perspective and mindset. If you are in a loving relationship, sex is enjoyable for both parties, no matter who is getting touched by what. I would much rather spend an hour of actively pleasuring my wife, to hear and feel her reach a writhing, moaning climax--from which she is unable to speak for several minutes--and then fall asleep cuddled against her than to get myself off in the seven minutes that the "average" intercourse lasts (which I regard as pathetically short and easily extended with a bit of dedication and training). There is no giving and taking, only loving. My wife enjoys performing oral sex on me just as much (and sometimes I think she likes it more) as I enjoy it. It's not a chore that she does so that she can get the same in return.

Forgive me if I am totally off base, but I think that you are way too focused on the purely physical part of the act and possibly do not have enough experience in a loving sexual relationship to understand that there is far more to it than a race to orgasm. I think you might understand if I put it this way: If a woman that I do not carely deeply about were to bring me to orgasm, I would probably be happy about it. But when my wife, who I care very much about, does this, I feel good for having it, but I feel even better because of how my feeling good makes her feel, and because of our trust, understanding and admiration for each other. That is the emotional component that you are completely missing in your comparisons. Nothing can replace this, and I would never trade that away for an assurance of equality of physical sensations that seems to dominate your thoughts on this.

I do feel very fortunate for having found a woman whom I can love so deeply after more than ten years of marriage, but I also think that this kind of love actually isn't so difficult to obtain. You have to build it upon respect, communication, and trust. When you've been with someone that you think is the one for you, don't lie or hide things from her. Every chance you can, take a moment to reflect on what makes her so precious to you, then express those things to her. Learn to view her physical and emotional imperfections as simply part of her and therefore another aspect of her to be cherished. When she is upset or angry, learn to react with compassion and understanding. When she wants romance or intimacy, take time away from what you are doing to fill that need, even if you aren't (at first) in the mood. I find that I am always glad to have done so. If she loves you, she will, in turn, do all of these things for you, and more.

That is the essence of what love in general, and sex, in particular, is about. If you aren't willing to give without the promise of getting something equivalent in return, then you will never understand the joy and fulfillment of being deeply in love.

Edit: My wife and I passed 10 years several months ago, ten_s_nut. I wish I had realized some of the things back when we first got married that I know now.

Thank you so much for this marvellous insightful post! I'm with ten_s_nut and brine on this one!!! 😀 😀
Scott D, I look forward to being able to chat with you live during upcoming weekend open chats here!

I hope you ( and brine and more from ten_s_nut) and all males here in couple relationships will look into and add when you feel so moved to B Mayfield's great new thread: http://www.aneros.com/forum/f5/partnered-sex-aneros-15352/ , and vote and post in the Couples Polls through the links in my first post in Mayfield's thread.

all the very best to all exploring aneros enhanced couples all

artform