managing intrusive thoughts

@darwin, thank you for that interesting question, I'm full of anticipation to read the advice the other experts may give us.

Barbara Carrellas mentioned in "Urban Tantra", my " " (Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything) so far, we humans (and even female humans ;)) were not able of real multitasking, instead there was only one focus we could have for the time being.

Scientists proved that there is even only one very little spot we can see in no uncertain manner. Jumping from one spot to another our mind reassembles the tiny pieces to one big picture of our surrounding.

Similar to that we sure only are able to focus on giving or we are able to focus on receiving, Barbara Carrellas explains.

Perhaps to focus on one side of the interaction at a time may be a method to keep those intrusive thoughts away?

Have a good time!
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I'm curious to hear other methods too, every once in a while (like once every 2-3 months) I will get lucky and have a really calm mind but most the time it's far from it.

My intrusive thoughts are more along the lines of...

Oh that feels good.
Yeah right there.
What should I have for dinner?
Did I feed the cats?
Relax, don't do it, when you want to go to it.
I wonder if there are any new movies on Netflix?
Dammit focus on the pleasure!
I could go for some chocolate ice cream.

I have tried a few things to help combat this, some more successful than others. Probably the thing that has worked best for me is to listen to meditative, classical, or similar music / binaural and to focus on the most prominent instrument or sound. I will actually kind of hum the tune in my head to keep my attention on it and off of the other hundred things I usually think about every second. This too doesn't always work but has worked better than other things I've tried.

The biggest downside to this though is only being able to lay on your back, at least if you use headphones and not earbuds (and I don't like wearing earbuds).

@ihave2cats, oh what a lucky guy I am, not having any cats to feed and not having a netflix abo. Just kidding, your report again shows me how different we are. Whether there are not only some distractive thoughts coming up but even more annoying interruptions, this all means nearly nothing to me. Especially during Aless I go and see about anything that must be done, then I go back to my resting position, close my eyes for some seconds or gaze at the ceiling and like pushing the play button my session (with involuntaries, p-waves or whatever, okay, certainly no SO or something like that tremendous feeling) continues where it just had stopped. Thanks to your comment I see more clearly how thankful I must be for that gift.

@darwin, playing with my palate as a newfound sensitive hotspot, smoothly pressing my thumb against it and slowly pushing deeper into my throat, I was surprised about the absence of my usual early gag reflex. Focusing only on my anticipated sexual sensations I got the more aroused the deeper my thumb was going. Next time I played with da peeled ripe banana and was astonished how deep I could insert it without retching. Making that deep throat experience was even more exciting. I blame it on the focus on being ...

darwin: totally into the pleasure you are getting from your partner, especially if you are being "taken".

Hey @darwin ,

first and foremost: thx for the book recommendation! I'm really excited if there is some new wisdom to discover. 🙂

To your question (beware - textwall coming in):

if any of you sages have discovered tricks to manage intrusive thoughts, speak up.

My thoughts on that are not very hands on and rather diffuse - I hope you can still follow. As far as I understand your intrusive thoughts are what others would refer to as mind-noise. It's the stuff that de-stabilizes trance.

What has trance to do with it?
IMHO, when you are in mmo-mode you are in a trance (specific brain-wave patterns / alpha-waves). That term is quite overloaded so I'll just explain what I mean: you are relaxed yet focused. You drift away but you are not falling asleep. You let go but you are still conscious and observing. Your mind is quiet and there is little to no thinking or pondering. It's not funky stuff but a very normal mind state that everyone has mutiple times during the day (daydreams, driving highways, that relaxing feeling when you do something repetitive... ). Btw: It doesn't matter if you have the intention to fall into trance, use specific methods to achieve it or care about that concept at all. Ecstasy always comes with a specific body condition and brain pattern, regardless how you call it (I call it trance).

Proposal for solution :
This trance-state is exactly what meditation and hypnosis are aiming for. So learning about these and their tools, means to learn that mind state. To build a memory of how it feels and recall it more easily. I made huge leaps after I started with erotic hypnosis, just because I had a reliable tool for falling into trance and could build a memory of how it feels like. Nowadays I just need to "remember" that feeling and I'll fall into trance in a matter of seconds. Same with meditation: I never got the grasp of it until I stumbled upon Kundalini and Tantra. Concentrating on the chakras and moving "energies" around quiets your mind like you would not believe. It gives your mind something to deal with without the need to think about it any further (hence no intrusive thoughts) - that is the trick.

Compatibility:
Can you combine erotic fantasies with a blank mind? It seems contradictory but it works quite well. A blank mind is still an observing mind. So yes, you can observe your erotic fantasies without overthinking them. That is how erotic hypnosis works.

There is an analogy that fits very good and won't help many people here but I'll write it down anyway:
This stuff reminds me of the problem that people have which try to learn lucid dreaming (realising you are dreaming and then taking control over your dream / the stuff the movie "inception" got a lot of ideas from). Most of the learning is about to become lucid (via so called "reality-checks"), but many people wake up the very moment they become lucid and thus losing the dream (and everything they worked for in the first place). So they have to learn to stabilize their lucid dreams as well. It seems to me, you are at that very point: you can fall into it, but you need to train a bit more to gain stability. Does that make any sense to you?

Conclusion (tl;dr):
You have to learn to stabilize your mind-state / trance. Best way would be to learn about trance (and brainwaves) in general and then practice with meditation or hypnosis to get familiar with it.

Cheers, Unfug

I keep improving on my meditative powers and can turn most intrusive thoughts by returning to a base line breath pattern and deep relaxation. I use meditation to subdue the super O as well and by doing this I can get my chakras spinning (a work in progress). In the past I have experienced random chakras openings but now for the first time I use the energy of the subdued super O to fuel the chakras and in turn I have learned a little bit of control. For me meditation is the key.

To add a little more to my personal experiences that also aligns nicely with what Unfug has said, before I started meditation and listening to various binaural and hypnosis tracks my sessions were often like what I posted above. I first started trying meditation about 6 or 7 months ago and in the last few months try to meditate a few times per week at least, and my sessions have been better on a more regular basis. In fact I have been having more good sessions aless than I have had with a device. From time to time I still have a very active mind that I can't turn off, yesterday morning I felt a bit of a tingle so lay in bed focusing on it but couldn't stop thinking about other things and it didn't go anywhere. But the last few months of meditating has started to pay off and I would say my average session now is like:

pleasure, pleasure, distracting thought, pleasure, pleasure, distracting thought, pleasure, mini orgasm, pleasure

Even better, on a couple of occasions now I have had really good sessions where I definitely fell into a trance for a short time. At first the session felt average, the pleasure waves were coming and going from light to medium intensity for awhile when suddenly it felt like my body just went limp and relaxed and the pleasure waves actually stopped for a moment, then I felt a medium intensity tingling and warmth in my whole body that lasted for many minutes. It didn't feel like waves and it didn't get stronger or weaker, it was just there and not going away and I felt really calm both physically and mentally. The first time it happened was a few months ago when I started meditating regularly and I was aware of trance states but didn't know much about them, and I wouldn't say that I didn't believe in them or what they could do but I was a bit skeptical. Since then I have felt a calmness happen on a couple of other occasions but then got distracted so it didn't last. So now my hope anytime I meditate is to get into that trance state, and to lessen the pressure sometimes I will go into it not even focusing on pleasure / aless but just trying to relax and feel that switch that clicks me over into a trance.

A quick note on hypnosis: I used to listen to hypnosis more than I do now and I have felt some of the effects from it. But the problem I have with hypnosis is my ocd analytical brain gets in the way and dissects every word that the hypnotist is saying, so if it isn't perfect then it doesn't take me very far. So I tend to stick to the more abstract music and sound effects only tracks now that I can't pick apart every nuance of.

Lastly it's interesting to hear your thoughts on lucid dreaming. For many years I've gone to bed trying to start a sexy fantasy type of dream without much success. However there are a couple of recurring dreams (nightmares) that I have had since I was in my teens that I have learned to recognize when they are happening and I tell myself to wake up, that I'm only dreaming. And most of the time I do wake up pretty quickly from it. But I still haven't figured out the part about staying in / taking control of the dream, so no sexy escapades with supermodels for me yet. 😉