Help and Advice Needed

Hello .

You're young to have this kind of problem. Describe more about the use of your aneros such as: if the preparation, lubrication is everything ok, how long during the session, session without penile touch or with touch ....

Erectile dysfunction compromises the life of those who have it So I highly recommend you see a doctor. That's because there are multiple causes and the smallest of them is about pornography (pornography is still under analysis of actually causing erectile dysfunction).

Excerpts from Wikipedia:

"In about 80% of cases, physical causes can be identified.^[4] These include cardiovascular disease; diabetes mellitus; neurological problems, such as those following prostatectomy; hypogonadism; and drug side effects. About 10% of cases are psychological impotence, caused by thoughts or feelings;^[4] here, there is a strong response to placebo treatment."

"

Causes of or contributors to ED include the following:

• Diets high in saturated fat are linked to heart diseases, and men with heart diseases are more likely to experience ED.^[7][8] By contrast, plant-based diets show a lower risk for ED.^[16][17][18]
• Prescription drugs (e.g., SSRIs,^[19] beta blockers, antihistamines,^[20][21][22] alpha-2 adrenergic receptor agonists, thiazides, hormone modulators, and 5α-reductase inhibitors)^[3][4]
• Neurogenic disorders (e.g., diabetic neuropathy, temporal lobe epilepsy, multiple sclerosis, Parkinson's disease, multiple system atrophy)^[3][4][5]
• Cavernosal disorders (e.g., Peyronie's disease)^[3][23]
• Hyperprolactinemia (e.g., due to a prolactinoma)^[3]
• Psychological causes: performance anxiety, stress, and mental disorders^[6]
• Surgery (e.g., radical prostatectomy)^[24]
• Ageing: after age 40 years, ageing itself is a risk factor for ED, although numerous other pathologies that may occur with ageing, such as testosterone deficiency, cardiovascular diseases, or diabetes, among others, appear to have interacting effects^[1][25]
• Kidney disease: ED and chronic kidney disease have pathological mechanisms in common, including vascular and hormonal dysfunction, and may share other comorbidities, such as hypertension and diabetes mellitus that can contribute to ED^[9]
• Lifestyle habits, particularly smoking, which is a key risk factor for ED as it promotes arterial narrowing.^[26][27][28] Due to its propensity for causing detumescence and erectile dysfunction, some studies have described tobacco as an anaphrodisiacal substance.^[29]
• COVID-19: preliminary research indicates that COVID-19 viral infection may affect sexual and reproductive health^[30][31]

Does masturbation go smoothly?

One of the benefits of aneros is to increase the rigidity of erections. Investigate the problem more deeply, you can find more solutions and enjoy a better life. Keep using the aneros, what awaits you are many hours of pleasure during the journey. 😉

Good lucky

Hi,

Thank you for your reply.

My sessions are usually 2-3 hours, this one I described was 3 hours, half an hour to an hour break while reading forum, and then an other hour or so. As described by many others I do not ever touch my penis during a session. I am experienced in anal play, but never had a prostate orgasm before. New to Aneros though. My prep routine I think is good due to being experienced. Lube I use something called liquid silk, that worked really good for me, or some almond oil if I have a bath session as part of the preparation. I cannot get more then 60% erect with anything in me or some time after.

I have recently got checked, had an ECG  and a blood test, everything seems fine. It was a routine check up a month ago as I have a heart condition called mitral valve prolapse. Mine is the smallest it can be and reading about it even in severe cases it does not cause ED, Fatigue maybe. 

• Psychological causes: performance anxiety, stress, and mental disorders^[6] These are the most likely. I have seen a sexual therapist before and every time I loose an erection is due to my flight or flight response. Basically I freeze. Get a cold sweat kind of thing going on and that is it, no amount of women or stimulation can get me hard again for a good while. I have some anxiety sometimes which sometimes gets me into a "hard flaccid" state.

Masturbation is fine most of the time, however I do loose an erection quite quickly without stimulation, which is sure a psychological thing as sometimes I wake up with an erection that nearly hurts and is there for a good 30minutes. Interesting thing though, I do not get morning erections, mine are night time ones. I need a long time to fall asleep and I get up quite a few times during the night.

Other thing I was trying before Aneros was edging, and trying to separate ejaculation from orgasm, but with me somehow it works the other way around, I ejaculate without the orgasm and then go flaccid. Kind of a ruined orgasm. I have been doing Kegels before the the Aneros journey started so that should be quite strong too.

My partner has a much lower sex drive and she is a bit shy and not that into any experimenting or toys etc. She gets nervous and shy and have a weird (fight or flight) energy, which I tend to pick up on unfortunately, and feel it like my own.

When it comes to porn, I fucking loved it and miss it. helped me discover what I like, thought me things, motivated to workout, get better, practice how to have better, stronger, longer orgasms. Used it to watch things What I cannot have. If my partner is not into my kinks or super turn ons that is absolutely fine, not everyone is the same, here should porn come in, but I cannot as I said before i started watching it again for a week not even masturbating to it and I was done, hot flash, puff loose erection in less then 20secounds, like when you pop one of them long balloons 😀 

I would love to be able to watch it again, but I am scared it makes things worse, and there are some research on the bad effects of it.

I tend to get bad sexual frustration, perhaps I need to practice more, more and more patience, which would be ideal for Aneros use as well.

Don't know, thank you for your advice anyway.

Posted by: @sonictron

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I have been doing Kegels before the the Aneros journey started so that should be quite strong too.

Maybe you're overdoing the kegels? Please have a look at my post in this other thread:

https://community.aneros.com/forum/general-discussion/helix-syn-v-is-helping-me-to-rewireand-may-save-my-marriage-bed/#post-119400

At some point in my life before ever having sex, I learned about Kegels and thought to myself: "I'm going to be the biggest stud", so I practiced Kegels all the time. And during my first time I could get it up but lost the erection very quickly, because I was kegeling during penetration.

@onares You might be on to something. Now that you said it...It is might be something I do

Amazing idea, will definitely give it a go

Thank you

@onares Any advice for lasting longer then?

Delaying ejaculation?

As I was using kegels for that.

Posted by: @sonictron

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@onares Any advice for lasting longer then?

Delaying ejaculation?

As I was using kegels for that.

This is a bit more difficult to answer, because it is generally not a problem for me (I'll explain this later because it's not as good as it sounds). My guess is to "just" keep relaxing and not go too fast. Relax if you feel tension building up in your pelvic floor. I also find that I actually have more control over the ejaculation / feel it approaching better if I have not ejaculated for a few days or a week (maybe look into semen retention, but you have to experiment with this. I don't want to imply that we're loosing life force each time we ejaculate, like some people in that community might propose).

If the kegels / flexing is the actual problem of your ED, then I think it is best to work on this first, even if you cum earlier. It's better to cum too early than not being able to penetrate at all. Then, work on lasting longer (slow down, relax).

Some ideas:

• Look into tantric love-making (more on that later). Maybe your partner likes this as well and you can practice together?
• Look into the health aspects I mentioned in the other post (sleep, food, exercise, ...)
• mental health, meditation, relaxation
• Also, look into prostate play (joke... you already know this)
• Other people on the forum could probably help here as well. The previous post by @soul-pleasure contains lots of useful information

Posted by: @sonictron

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Other thing I was trying before Aneros was edging, and trying to separate ejaculation from orgasm, but with me somehow it works the other way around, I ejaculate without the orgasm and then go flaccid. Kind of a ruined orgasm.

I find this very interesting. I recently listened to a podcast and the guy said the exact same thing: “ejaculation without orgasm”. I managed to find it again. He talks about it at around 8:20.

https://bettersexpodcast.com/matthias-rose-ejaculatory-choice

They have another podcast with the same guy, where they talk about tantra

https://bettersexpodcast.com/tantra-beautiful-integration-personal-strength-sexual-power-emotional-connection

Personally, I am wondering if I have been stuck in this state from the beginning. I managed to “fix” the stamina problem by not flexing my dick during intercourse. However generally, I don’t find ejaculation or the build-up to an ejaculation very pleasurable. Maybe I always ejaculate without an orgasm?

So basically what happened:

• Before having sex, I thought that kegel = stud, so I always kegeled during the day, but also during masturbation. During masturbation I noticed that I lost the erection, but didn't connect the dots that the tension is the problem. I actually managed to work around it and learned to stroke the flaccid / half-flaccid penis. This worked during masturbation, but not during sex later.
• First time sex: Had a massive hard-on right before sex (no kegel) but quickly lost it because I kegeled intentionally. Couldn't cum because I couldn't keep it up.
• This continued for some time until I managed to keep it up long enough. I felt a tiny spark at the base of my penis and came during regular sex but I couldn't replicate this again. I always wondered what this spark was.
• At some point I started working out because I read that it helps with pain (I had light shoulder pain back then). Obviously, not knowing what to do I just did a bunch of assisted pull-ups / dips. Later that night, I got so horny from the residual workout feeling that I masturbated and ejaculated 2 or 3 times in a row, fell asleep, woke up again and masturbated more. One of the next days, it "clicked": "Why am I loosing my erection when I'm so horny? I was so hard right before my first time and it went away so quickly." Eventually I realized the thing about the kegels.
• This fixed my problem with getting soft. However I still don't feel "pleasure" during masturbation or sex. That's why I last long. I have to go really fast to build up to an ejaculation, but it's not pleasurable in itself.
• At least I know the problem with the kegels and I hope that prostate-play and Aneros will eventually fix the missing pleasure.

I have some more questions about ejaculation without orgasm to you and other forum members, but I'll probably create another thread, because I don't want to hijack your thread for my questions. I'll link my thread once I have time to write it.

But in any case, please let me know if the no-kegel-during-sex thing helps.

Thank you I will look into that and post if anything changes.

I am almost certain you helped me find the cause 😀 

Thank you

Hi @sonictron. How is it going? I wonder if my recommendations helped in any way?

On a personal note: I started another thread with a few questions. I think you know both situations: Ejaculating with orgasm and without orgasm. If possible, could you please explain the difference in feelings between those two situations?

Thanks!

@Onares 

I owe you a huge thank you my man.

It was indeed that I was over doing kegels, even during intercourse.

I researched it and over doing it can even start your flight or fight reflex.

I am doing pelvic floor starches, very limited reverse kegels and everything is much better.

I stopped monitoring myself during intercourse with my partner and seriously, one could hand stand on my erections.

Let me know if you want me to share my experience in detail on the new thread.

Thank you for the advice again!

Life is great!

@sonictron

I am glad that my tips helped you. It was kind of a revelation when I had the idea. It can be the simple things that are the most effective.

Thank you for the answer in the other thread. I still have to digest what you have written there.

Posted by: @sonictron

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Little background on me, I am 31 and I had a very bad porn over use and went through a very shity ED phase, I stopped using porn, but not masturbation for a year and everything was good again, until cravings started to came, I remembered old favorite scenes, categories etc, but I thought I am fine now, so I started watching porn again but I didn't masturbate during just watched, the ED came back after a week. (Didn't overdo it) So I stopped again, and I was fine again in less than two weeks. A year passed again with no interest or craving for porn what so ever. Then it came back again, but this time instead of going back to it I started my Aneros journey and learn a lot.

Like all addicts,you can never go back or the issues will start again. You don’t need it.

Whilst I agree with soul pleasure saying you’re young to have ED,I’d be satisfied enough that porn was the problem with your admittance of heavy porn use. It may seem odd to older guys,but they got into porn later than kids nowadays. Kids are at porn from 10 years old,so at 25 they’ve had a decade of battering their reward circuits.

Yes,if you’ve had a big session,it may dampen things down due to the realise of fluids from the prostate,same happens during sex.

If you have a history of sexual issues,it’s probably easy to get stuck in your head. No,just because you have prostate orgasms,doesn’t mean you can’t perform in the bedroom too. Many of us do,some do both at the same time. Relax about it all.

Posted by: @sonictron

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It was indeed that I was over doing kegels, even during intercourse.

I researched it and over doing it can even start your flight or fight reflex.

I am doing pelvic floor starches, very limited reverse kegels and everything is much better.

I stopped monitoring myself during intercourse with my partner and seriously, one could hand stand on my erections.

This is good news. Kegels should always incorporate reverse kegels for balance. The goal imo was wrong. Someone posted a link once to some thing called Nataliealison or something. That was about the whole clamp the pc and stop ejaculation. Load of crap imo for the average guy,you need to be really advanced in the mental part to make that work,the idea is to block ejaculation but still orgasm,then multiple orgasm. Kegel training creates better understanding and control over PF musculature. It allows pleasure to be generated in ways we didn’t know before. More awareness helps ejaculation control during sex too due to knowing what the movements mean.

Habinv said that,if sacking them off is working,sack them off. Once you’ve trained a long time anyway,sessions will maintain the progress they’ve made.

I can’t imagine a session without reverse Kegels! Kegels allow the movement of the head of any of my Aneros as well as Aless stimulation! For me doing both alternately rocks the Aneros back and forth and causes the head to pivot up and down on my p spot!