Advice requested on several questions

Dear Mak,

Great questions! I'm impressed with the thought that you've given this. Your approach tells me that you're poised for success.

1) No, it is not necessary for you to wait 10 minutes before starting contractions. The manufacturer suggests this for those who are new to the Aneros (and anal play in general), as a way of becoming accustomed to the device. I myself use basal contractions (very low intensity contractions) immediately upon insertion. As a matter of fact in most cases, I start my contractions well before I've even introduced the Aneros, as a part of my warm-up.

2) It is not necessary to stop yourself from tensing up. This is a normal part of the cycle of arousal and build-up to an orgasm. It's important for you to know that a non-ejaculatory orgasm or Super O also has characteristics of build-up and release, as in the traditional orgasm. It's just that the build-up follows a different sensory pathway and therefore the cooresponding release is different (delightfully different) as well. So my suggestion is to go with it. If you've read some of my other postings, I've even suggested that it can be a powerful stimulus to say to yourself, "...I'm going to cum!"

3) Very possibly. Hard contractions can in some instances actually extinguish a non-ejaculatory orgasm. Specifically, if the hard contraction is voluntary in nature. That is, you're going along fine building up to an orgasm and you start thinking I'm almost there...I'll just hammer this one home! So why doesn't this work? The reason is that the Super O is built out of harmony. That is, stimuli working in phase with one another. In the past, I've discussed the example of a playground swing to illustrate how harmonic motion may be observed. Small amounts of force operating in phase make the swing go higher and higher with relative ease. A large amount of energy applied out of phase can stifle the process. The tricky part is that when it comes to "building the better orgasm" the phasic nature is nowhere near as obvious. This is where experimentation and learning comes in to play. And yes, it takes time. The good news for you is that with your ability to get to the point of involuntaries fairly consistently, you are very close to where you need to be.

4) The answer to this one is going to sound a little strange, if not a little cryptic. Try focusing more on the sensations themselves and less on the process that generates them. I know that sounds like a Catch 22, because how do you have any sensations at all without concentrating on a process...right? (If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it ...is there a sound?) What I'm getting at is that in the end it is the physical experience of certain sensations that moves this process. So how do you create sensations without thinking about what you're doing? In an absolute sense you can't . But I submit to you, when you're jacking off do you really have to think very much about the process for ejaculating? As one strokes oneself, does one think..."oh, I need to stroke faster now..." That isn't really the way that it occurs on a cognitve level. It's much more like you're simply following the sensations themselves. In reality there is a technique at work too, but it is in the background. What I am suggesting is to take some time to create your own techniques for generating sensation but at a certain point let the thoughts about the techniques take a backseat to the sensations that the techniques produce.

This is where the mental component and visualization really comes in to play. For instance, I've previously described thinking about sweeping sensations deep into your body through your anus into your rectum and beyond...deep into your abdomen. I found that when I have such thoughts that I now almost unconsciously contract my anus while breathing in a vibratory way such that I can feel my abdomen vibrate. Those vibrations are translated back to sensations in my anus, rectum and perineum. I may then hold a lower abdominal contraction and hold my breath briefly as I harvest (experience) more sensations. In this way I'm creating a sensory feedback loop. If you are not uncomfortable with it, visualizing being penetrated can be another very powerful image to work with. This need not be a gay fantasy either,unless you're so inclined, I've often engaged in such play with my wife. The point I'm trying to make is that using visualization can be a way of arousing yourself while keeping you from thinking about your technique quite as much. Again try letting the sensations themselves drive the process.

5) Some of this is covered in my previous answer, but I would have to say that where the process differs is that the fantasies that I use for the Super O are more like images that involve internalizing and holding sensation. This differs substantially from the process that I use for penile ejaculation. Those images play more like entire scenes that usually involve me penetrating a woman vaginally or anally. When it comes to the Super O, I normally focus the images in on myself. Perhaps the answer to this one is try endulging in different fantasies/images.

6) Two questions here. A) The involuntaries are precursors that build the Super O, but when the Super O takes off it really is it's own thing. It's like when you're stroking yourself to a penile orgasm, it can feel very intense and pleasurable while you're stroking, but when you climax it is of a totally different order of intensity....yes? Same with a Super O. If you're asking if the Super feels similar to the involuntaries but just bigger, I would have to say no. The involuntaries and the Super O feel like two different (but related) sensory events.

B) If the abutment tab is painful for you and you are certain that you're on your "Sweet Spot", you can try adjustment of the tab, shorter sessions (see below) or an "abutment tab anchor" (see TBone's posting page 3 "Perineum tab padding and postitioning on 3/22/04) which mitigates perineal contact somewhat. Of the two I think the shorter sessions is a better bet.

7) I can't stress this enough. Don't go too long with any of your sessions. It can lead to frustration, disappointment and.....yes soreness too! If it isn't happening for you after an hour, and you find yourself losing focus, by all means, ride some involuntaries into a traditional orgasm with some penile contact. (In some instances you may want to discontinue, within far less time if you can't stay focused....again you have to be ready for this experience...if you're too tired, anxious, whatever,..try another day!)

8) With regard to lubrication, I (and many others) have commented on this at length previously. In short, try "prelubricating" with an infant dropper (available from your neighborhood drugstore, holds 2 to 3 teaspoons of liquid) of KY silk, ID Glide, Wet etc. Thereafter, lubricate the Aneros liberally with KY jelly. This should be all the lubrication that is required, even for very long sessions.

9) I guess this one comes down to a personal preference, but I normally keep my eyes closed, like you I find that it helps me concentrate a bit better.

Regards,

B Mayfield

Dear Mak,

By way of sheer technique I'd like you to try the following. Once you start to get some nice involuntaries going try executing a rectal contraction while still holding your low level anal contraction. A rectal contraction is characterized by the feeling of "pushing out" or bearing down. You'll notice that you naturally experience an abdominal contraction at the same time. Now increase the intensity of your anal contraction (that you've been holding). What I find is that the antagonistic relationship of the anal (pushing in) and the rectal (pushing out) contractions creates a wonderful sensation of it's own and when combined with ongoing "involuntaries" is very often a means for pushing you right over the edge into a Super O !

Good Luck,

B Mayfield

Dear Mayfield,

Thank you very much for replying so rapidly and for taking the time to give me such detailed advice. I find all of what you say very helpful. My own gut intuition was that I should follow the sensations.

I will be going away next week for a short holiday with my wife and I hope to be able to have a few good sessions then with the Aneros. I look forward to trying the technique you suggest in your second post. When I come back I will let you and the other members of the Forum know how I have got on.

Once again, thank you very much for sharing your time and experience with us.

Makawakee

My holiday did not enable me to experience the “Big O”, but I think I made progress towards it. On one occasion I became distracted whilst doing my anal contractions and suddenly the Aneros took on a life of its own and started to pound away very quickly in a very pleasurable way. Unfortunately it lasted only a few seconds and came to a stop as soon as I became aware of it. This made me think that perhaps I am too intent, too tense (too “tight assed” ?) and need to be more relaxed for the “Big O” to happen.

I am new to anal play and I realise now that there is a whole range of sensations that I have to discover and integrate. I understand now why men used to anal play generally experience the “Big O” very quickly.