I have been doing a lot of thinking having had no breakthrough yesterday. I tried plenty of times to orgasm but nothing happened, I even slept with the aneros in and felt good. There was one orgasm type event that was nice, but totally pleasure free )I have had one of those before(, and I just couldn’t relax into it. Two days ago I was going into orgasm within minutes of trying. I didn’t sleep again last night due to frustration and kept trying although I knew that I should just give up it was so tempting.
I am now exhausted after spending one night with powerful orgasms ripping through me one minute, in total calm ecstasy the next, and one night in total frustration with a few hours sleep in between.
I’m also very uncomfortable with a constant pelvic pressure bordering on pain and a tense fluttering in my lower abdomen. I have previously interpreted this as being tension building up needing an orgasm to release it, and in fact in previous days that is what has happened it felt much better after an orgasm.
I now realise that this pressure is pure nervous and sexual tension, if I try hard to relax it goes away, but then starts coming back. This is a serious barrier to having any more orgasms. I’m sleep deprived and uncomfortable so it’s just not going to work. It’s like being in continuous sexual tension without any chance of relief. I did try masturbating normally but it doesn’t go away.
I think that my experience a few nights ago was so mind blowing and beyond anything I ever thought I would be capable of that my expectations are now sky high and I am badly craving another experience like that, maybe this is how you feel after the first dose of crack cocaine. I’m feeling disappointed, since I really thought I was going to be able to orgasm at will forever more, and I’m exhausted. I was expecting to explore further and find new highs, more intense orgasms, even altered states of consciousness, maybe spend a whole day or night in ecstasy.
I know that I need to take a break, lower my expectations, and practice relaxing. I know that I need to have some ‘normal’ time again spend time with my children, watch TV, have a beer, and forget what has just happened to me for now; but also remember that it will probably happen again one day when it’s ready to. Maybe my body and nervous system needs to adjust to a new level, or re-wire, before it’s ready to go again; maybe I progressed too fast. I’m amazed with what has happened and even if I don’t get there again it was a magical life changing experience that I have been very lucky to have. I hope that I can take some time out, catch up on sleep, and calm the cravings. There seems to be something new to learn at every step, learning to let go and listen to my own body is probably the most important thing, and it’s not easy. I actually know what I have to do: I just have to be patient. Writing this helps get it in perspective.
—- Managed to have a full blown abdominal orgasm at work today. I was suffering with terrible abdominal tightness, trying to relax it away but it kept coming back. Work was quiet and I had the thought of trying for an abdominal orgasm to try to relieve it so closed my office door and hoped no-one would knock. I had the mindset of if it works it works, I'm at work so don't expect too much, after 20 minutes relaxing and building sensations I felt a wonderful full abdominal orgasm come on, totally centered in the abdomen. It lasted only a few minutes, being at work made me a bit apprehensive, but after I was wonderfully relaxed and the tightness had vanished. Unfortunately it came back on after a few hours though.